Kye's profile

Kye avatar
AGE: 29
LOC: Minneapolis, MN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 28

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Novel Treatments / Kye's Story of The Beast
Version 2
12 Reviews   12 Comments
“Tell us a story Kye.” the children cried out in protesting to Pilkin’s suggestion of sleep. He looked at his daughter, showing much praise and tenderness in his eyes that key held her breath. She was not used to such silent accolades from him. “They’re all yours.” Pilkin bowed to his daughter and stepped away from the fire, into the shadows to tend to his business. Kye looked around the circle and saw a dozen eyes reflecting the firelight back at her, sitt...
Version 1
17 Reviews   5 Comments
Prologue: i cast a stone into the open fire waiting for it to melt the last immortal i am Kye creature of legends and owner of none strife is my quill discontent, my parchment my inner peace a gem far too costly to buy Chapter 1: Kye and the Bear The sun peaked over the mountain tops, kissing the violet fields that lay beyond the base. The silent humming of daylight was making its way across the world, and in the quiet before-dawn came the sharp cracking of twigs. “Kye!” Timpkin pushed aside ...
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Poetry / The Lady
Version 1
16 Reviews   0 Comments
Lady in the Lake, Grant me a nights peace Let me find my slumber Kye laid down before the ashes of fire long dead waiting for the threshold of night to embrace her in the never-ending dark she stepped out of glistening waters and trickled to the sleeping form with her cool bowl she wiped away the death upon the girl's face sweetly “Lonely Kye, strong Kye breathe easy and find a moment of serenity before harsh light of day consumes you.” “You know my name Lady?” “Yes. Quiet now. The darkness c...
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Reviews
Your first paragraph feels ttoo much like a summary. I feel that we lose some of the magic with your quick generalization of how things are. Slow it down a bit more, give us more description. Here is another example of where you could flesh things out a bit. Do not simply say "mystical snowglobe" describe it. What did it look like? What was inside it? "remained in the world" (try: remained in the rest of the world) Its tricky, but you need to be careful not to be too repetitious on the words ...
An intersting piece, definitely one that many of the die-hard urbis users can possibly relate to. "with their mud red hair and soft, muddy skin" I wondered if there was a reason for the repeat here. Since I couldn't find one I have decided to ask the author. also you use "proper" punctuation with "...soft, muddy skin..." but not "...car outside my window, that isn't mine, and..." All I ask for is consistency. Good work.
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Short Story / ABC story prompt
I think that is a neat idea (one that I think I'm gonna try out soon myself) Only a few minor punctuation issues (misplaced or missing commas) an example: "Wishing, with all his heart, that he could help her he took her hand in his." should most likely look like this: "Wishing, with all (of) his heart, that he could help her(,) he took her hand in his." Watch out for the pairings of words (pale face, blue curtain, quiet tears, random memories, etc) try and mix them up a bit. Also, we don't re...
Poetry / Head Over Heels
this isn't bad by any means. Maybe you could snap it up a bit with a few edits. 1. When dealing with rhyme, its good to have a beat. (don't confuse beat with getting sing-song-playground-rhymish) But it needs a beat, a flow...reading your words aloud will help you trim it up a bit. here is a small example on how you can cut a bit to make it work... I thought I only used you As a way to feel needed (remove "make me") Being wanted is comfort (remove "because" and "ing") But it made me feel conc...
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