I guess you've lived up to the title, but for this piece to really be effective you need to find its centre and then a structure around this centre point. You said yourself that you don't like to re-edit your work. And so, this is the obstacle you need to overcome. Maybe the bowl is the centre? Although this is a fairly cliched anecdote, as true as it is. I'm not sure where that 'centre' is in this piece, but anyway, that's up to you to decide. For the reader, it is hard to find empathy when ...

Just a couple of cliches that slightly diminish some fine work. The bug/moth thing is a big twee and the cracked mirror . . . if you could find some other object that can express the same metaphorical disintegration? Big ask, I know, but the rest is so well done.

It is a real challenge, to make your characters ambiguous and at the same time alluring. You have managed this with an impressive level of ease. My moral compass is still spinning, which automatically make want to know more. I have a feeling of confidence, that you can carry this story for the length of its journey, which is another big plus if you want to get published. Good luck.

A lot of exposition, maybe you could ease off on the less relevant angels. There will be plenty of time to reveal them at a more conducive time. "I know what you are all dying to ask . . . " Doesn't sound much like angelspeak. Despite myself, I'm curious.

There are just a few things that stop this being a totally professional piece of work. A few 'new writer' things that we are all guilty of at times. Referring to the sun's position three times with Amelia is too much. It's just a little obvious, and seems unnecessary the second and third time. Trust that your reader can follow that time is elapsing. Also in the Amelia section and the start of the Blake section you get a bit over descriptive. A reader doesn't need much to recognise talent, jus...

This piece has quite a bit of spunk. I want to know more about the dogicide thing. I'd leave out the 2nd and 3rd sentences, or put them later. Too much info too soon. Leave 'um hanging on the dogicide.

A fine editorial. It's really important that people become more aware about this act, and individual accounts of those effected by this legisation can only help sway people to raise their concerns to the new Democrat majority.

I found it very easy to connect with this piece. It flowed well. I'm just not sure about the second last sentence - maybe this point needs to be expanded?

You have an interesting patchwork here, but you are asking a lot for your reader to go through so much backstory. You say you are writing a novel. This reads like a biography or even research. I don't doubt your ability to write, however, you may need to go back to the drawing board and think about structure. A dramatic thread to join up this patchwork is the missing ingredient. You need to give the reader a reason to want to go on. A novelist should try and meet their reader halfway. Each ch...

Loved it! Wonderful blend of metaphor, straight imagery and an unfolding of consciousness. I physically felt the waves rising and falling - it certainly rocked me. Keep it up.