You have some very good, well put together lines that flow really well. You also have some that really don't. Up until "be sent?" it's very good. The last part of that stanza doesn't read as well, though. The rhythm is kinda lost and some of the words just don't work well together (i.e. "claims at their desks" and "amidst clouds" get caught on your tongue). In the second stanza the second and third lines are very good, but after that gets awkward, especially "to breath or stop/ is mine to cho...

The metaphor doesn't quite work, especially since, after glass goes through all that, the sand and salt will usually have eroded it into sea-glass, which is not dangerous and often considered quite pretty. It's also more poetic than your notes would lead the reader to believe. There are some grammar errors, especially not ending sentences where/when you should. You don't really say much here, it's very vague, you seem to introduce something but you never really explain it in any sort of detai...

As far as sound goes I like the second line, though the image is a little cliche. I'm not sure I understand the last line. I thought maybe, since it's "Gym Girl" that "Crunch" referred to doing crunches or some kind of ab-working machine? If that's the case, though then it's a little unclear and sounds a bit awkward. I'm also wondering why "Crunch" is capitalized.

Needs more punctuation. Some lines are very good, work well together, flow nicely, good rhythm, etc. Other lines feel forced, especially some of the rhymes. Also watch out for tense changes, you go from present to past within the first four lines. There are also some grammatical errors, especially at the end (i.e. "Covering feelings and lied" should be "lies"). There are also some lines that seem unnecessary and don't really add much to the feeling of the piece. The forced rhyme and off-meter...

The first line seems a little irrelevant to the rest of it. If this is about her beginning to walk then keep it about that, if it's about her beginning to talk as well then it might be better to add more to that part, otherwise leave it out. The writing itself is good and I like the last line. A bit more description might help this, otherwise the list of adjectives to describe the little girl just seem like a mother playing her daughter up simply because she is her daughter. If you can someho...

I like the idea behind this, but the fact that you feel the need to explain the little poem (motto) at the beginning takes away from it to some extent. It's also not really clear what you believe, especially in the section that begins "Carried to extremes." That section makes it sound as though you believe one should not do something if they can't do it well, until the end. It's a bit confusing. You might also want to elaborate on some things. For instance, the last line could be explained be...

You don't need to capitalize every first line. However, if you are going to do that you should do it all the way through, not just in some places. Double check punctuation, too. Line 5 sounds a little awkward, try even a slight rewording. Line 9 is a little cliche. Line 16 is also awkward and the rhyme feels forced. Line 18 should be changed to "hope" not "hoped" since you're directly addressing the subject. The first three lines work well. The first six lines in the second stanza fit togethe...

Specific: -"Schools aren’t doing nearly enough about the problems of sexual harassment in their schools." It's repetitive to say "schools" twice. You can end it after "harassment." -"Sexual harassment demeans a student on the basis of his/her gender." This is inconsistent with what you said earlier about sexual harassment not being limited to any one group. That is, what you said earlier suggests that people might harass others of their same gender or sex or orientation, of a different gender...

This is very long. There is very little evident structure or form and even as free-verse it reads very much like awkward prose. You address some important issues but you address too many in one piece and much of it comes across as rambling. The constant repetition of "America" is tiresome, though it is really the only thing that makes this sound like some style of poetry. There are some places where you seem to adopt a sort of temporary form, but there doesn't seem to be much of a pattern at ...

Haha! Nice. Definitely an original subject matter. There are some issues with punctuation, especially in the second stanza. It was awkward to read and I wasn't sure exactly where the pauses were until I read it a couple times. The wording of line 5 on its own is awkward in itself, too. I'm not sure how I feel about the Exxon graph part, it seems to be addressing something completely unrelated-I realize it's a metaphor but it still seems unnecessary, I may suggest something more simple. I love...