Ladyauthor2b's profile
AGE:
48
LOC: Temple, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 17
LOC: Temple, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 17
I have always loved to make up stories about interesting people. I have a fascination for celebrities, music, and large families and will share a story here for feedback. I would love to network with others who look to be published themselves. We are all in the same boat and my hope is that all feedback, given and taken, will only make us stronger writers.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
7 Comments
It was a new role to be a constant father. Danny improvised a lot to get along with the septuplets. They were quite a rambunctious bunch, always quick to get into mischief at eighteen months old, and by this time, were very attached to their mother. They had different temperaments. Sometimes even simple routines could become a battle. Jamie, Eric and Edward were finicky eaters, taking their time to gobble down what was placed before them at mealtimes. If Edward didn’t like something, he simpl...
Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
Christmas time grew near again. It was fun decorating up the house for the occasion. Tara never tried before, except for the windows. Danny insisted to do it up right and went out to the woods to cut down a fine tree. The couple decorated it with plenty of lights, red bows, and bright shiny tinsel. He bought an electric train kit to entertain the children. It would be the beginning of a family tradition. The week before the big day, the whole Cross family met up in London to go shopping. They...
Version 2
7 Reviews
1 Comment
A natural progression of events occurred when Danny returned to Wilshire in late September, on the 26th. First, he arrived two days before Tara’s 20th birthday, which fell on a Friday. With a belated late July birthday and the Naval homecoming to go with it, everyone gathered at his parent’s house to celebrate. Tara delighted to see the balloons and streamers as they entered inside the living room. The children seemed fascinated by the colorful floating items. Helen made a fancy cake while M...
Version 1
8 Reviews
10 Comments
A natural progression of events occurred when Danny returned to Wilshire in late September, around the 26th. First, he arrived two days before Tara’s 20th birthday, which fell on a Friday. With a belated late July birthday and Naval homecoming to go with it, everyone gathered at his parent’s house to celebrate. Tara delighted to see the balloons and streamers as they entered inside the living room. The children seemed fascinated by the colorful floating items. Helen made a fancy cake while M...
Version 1
13 Reviews
9 Comments
In the morning, Danny woke up and he threw the covers back, springing out of bed in alarm. He slapped his head. 'Jesus Christ! There’s a special formation at seven!' How could he have forgotten? Still, the required uniform and shoes remained at his friend’s quarters near the base. His original plan was to have dinner there and stay the night. That was before Nina sauntered onto their patio. She was the only reason he waltzed home with the woman on his arm. Yet that plan was screwed up too. A...
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Reviews
I read this three times. I think the word "art" throws me off. I know what you are trying to say, but I seem to think of art for artists/painters, where I believe that writing is a craft. Yikes, that's not to say that artists don't home in their craft of art as well. Gee, now I'm in condundrum. (Ah, did I spell that word right? Did I say the right word? See how my brain works? Gosh) Ok, perhaps if you just said, "...are in the way they make their fine works appear on paper." yes, that sounds ...
Poetry
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The Untimely Murder of Thirteen Interns at the Undersized Hands of Someone Who Resembled Dr. Edel...
Removed
I really liked this, although poetry is not my top cup of tea in writing. I'm not great at it, but I know when something sounds right, as you asked about the meter of this. It seemed right, and every other line rhymed. I think you added alot of humor to this " Thy deep dark eyes incite thy fans to swoon;" Brilliant, I think and this is very true. Colin would be so proud. Nice job.
I happened to like this, as it reveals the way the sailor reacted and looked, and you know why he reacted this way by the last line. I don't think you need to change any of this, but I'm not an expert at Haiku. However, to me, this is about as perfect as it can get. All they sylables are correct and it gets across its message. Great job.
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