Lalifufu's profile

Lalifufu avatar
AGE: 26
LOC: South Africa
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 08

I love nothing more than immersing myself in oil and acrylic and painting my soul onto huge canvases.  I also love to  morph, twist, add and subtract all 26 letters of the alphabet into short stories, poems and creative ramblings. When I’m not doing either of these things, I try to be a responsible adult with an office job.

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Poetry / Teardrop
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
One tiny tear on the heart-shaped face Runs spiralling down and rests between the soft lips The lips which do not want to free the words For the cage of her mouth is their dying place. The words which long to be spoken She will not let them go When they beg to be let out and free She shakes her head to say no So that not even then the spell is broken. One tiny tear lingers but cannot hold on anymore So with abated breath it tries to make peace with fate It’s smooth crystal beauty was it...
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Poetry / The Unwanted Son
Version 1
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Cut off, severed and removed Amputated from the sky Isolated, disconnected and disproved Waiting in a cylinder, to die. It was daddy’s fault, he danced in the chamber Spinning, leaping in a dauntless way Pouring water into a reservoir That would be a mother the next day. There was no barricade to hold back the moisture So that when the dance became wild There was nothing to restrain The stem from becoming a child. A tiny embryo, waited for life in the dark Unaware of the threatening doo...
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Poetry / Wedding Day
Version 2
2 Reviews   2 Comments
A ring is just a piece of jewellery Promising nothing, least of all eternity A wedding is just a day Full of diamonds, gold and decay. She wore a diamond engagement ring A circle around her finger Until it manifested into circles under her eyes. They mirrored the grey smoke rings He breathed out of his mouth. Dark discs of death and despise. A dress, a tuxedo – these are just material things… She raised an exquisitely manicured nail To scratch her perfectly plucked eyebrow As pa...
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Short Story / After Life
Version 3
2 Reviews   6 Comments
“He’s dead.” The doctor’s face was an ashen grey colour as he made the announcement. The new widow’s cry of distress pierced the air. She looked at her husband, Flynn, lying on the bed in their home with no breath left in his lungs. Flynn looked at the woman he loved with unblinking eyes. She was overwrought with grief and he stood up to comfort her. He was about to embrace Theoni when she turned away and buried her face in her hands. She didn’t see him. &l...
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Short Story / After Life
Version 2
2 Reviews   2 Comments
The doctor’s face was an ashen grey colour when he made the announcement. “He’s dead.” His wife’s cry of distress pierced the air. She looked at her husband, Flynn, lying on their bed with no breath left in his lungs. She gently stroked his cheek because he looked cold. Flynn looked at the woman he loved with unblinking eyes. She was overwrought with grief and he stood up to comfort her. He was about to embrace Theoni when she turned away and buried her ace in he...
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Reviews
Short Story / Bronson's Shark Tank
by burnvictim
This story is definitely one of my favourites and I thoroughly enjoyed the humour. But I have some questions: 1) If flooding the flat with salt water is so important (and indeed, it is vital to your story) then Nigel should / would have emphasised this on the phone. [Perhaps you can have Bronson reacting indifferently to the news, thinking it's not as important as Nigel claims - perhaps he forgets.] Either way, this point must be highlighted and stressed. 2) Why doesn't Bronson eat any of his...
Poetry / Never Fear the Falling
by Trina
Beautiful poem, excellent advice - definitely a favourite. The second and last stanza, I think, are the best. And what a wonderful way to end the poem! A few gripes, though. "Open wide.." sounded odd to me. Since it's not the last words at the end of the line, why don't you just say "open the window wide"? Also, "sail further in to sea." Overall, good job! I really enjoyed reading this.
Non-fiction / First Chapter autobiography
by jungsnkim
You've got some beautiful imagery and descriptions here (injured heart anointed by love, open wounds still raw and bare, bombarded by life's intrusions etc) but, to be completely honest and to the point, you didn't draw me in. I'm not sure what these intrusions are that have consistently bombarded you - you haven't told the reader or even hinted at any of the hardships you have faced. I get the sense that a lot of it has to do with business, but this is an assumption on my part. Your first pa...
Poetry / Insomnia
by DLCW
Wow! Good job, this is a beautiful poem. It's almost perfect... The 'waked' in Line 3 grated me a bit, I'd change it to 'awaken' or 'wakeful'. And line 8, why not say "remembering how our friendship started." The 'now' seems redundant. L9 - should be falls heavily. L11 - spelling mistake - gently. Favourite lines - L4, whole second stanza and the last 4 lines. L10 (excellent!)
Haiku/Senryu / Moon's flight
by PoeticMisconceptions
Firstly, I'm not sure what you're describing here. The title is moon's flight. What is outshining the moon? The sun? I'm a little unclear as to what your haiku is about. Secondly, you've got way too many syllables in each version. Should be 5 - 7 - 5. Luminescence is already 4 syllables. What about glow, gleam or beam? Change some words in version 3 and I think that one will be the best! Good luck!
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