Lena17's profile

AGE: 20
LOC: Los Banos, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 05

To all my followers and friends:

I’m sorry I’ve had to delete all my works—the good thing about this site is that with every 1 piece you upload, chances are you’ll get 3-5 reviews instantly; the downside is having to painstakingly gather all the credits needed to open those reviews. I just don’t have the time or patience for this! ha!

I’m keeping my site, to still read others’ work, and chat with everyone I’ve met—there are still many many talented writers to discover on here, and I’m so happy to have gained some new friends, doing something I love.

Thank you all, for your reviews and support; thank you, Urbis, for providing me a platform to get my writing exposed.

My writing is tucked away now, but I’m still here… ^_

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Reviews

by oknapp

this was quite good, certainly worthy of being an ode. one thing: this piece is metaphor-palooza. (ha!), next time, mix up the language, so it's not just "you are-...you are the- in my-...you are the- of the- of my-..." (not to disrepect your piece, but in general, that method does get a bit annoying after awhile, and can push readers away). as far as grammar: stanza 3 line 4: "wonders" should be "wanders". also, add some punctuation marks; some commas, dashes, (...), semi-colons, etc. here a...

by vampyre_girl13

I have to agree with the last reviewer. this is not considered a quote, a haiku, or a poem. it's just an emo-esque sentence, without any originality or depth. I'm telling you now, reviewers are just gonna bash you for this; my advice is to either expand it into a poem, a short story, or any other applicable form of writing worthy of review, or take it off the site altogether. this website is for serious writers seeking constructive criticism, as well as readers seeking writers of depth & orig...

by garfocus

Haunting lyrics to match. I loved this! the language was some of the most unique I've read: the one-eyed sky's delight. You are flying high above me, hanging loosely, dripping with my fear. You will fly on Long after I'm gone away You'll sing my song As I wait for end of day. Beautiful. Dark. Deep. a real artsy piece. keep writing. I'll definately check back to read more. ^_^ J

by DallasS

it doesn't suck that bad; it's actually ok. when it comes to writing, most times, less is more. your style of short, choppy sentences reflects the narrator's hesitancy and self-restraint. you have 'something' here, if you'd like to expand on it; it could be a good story, maybe about two young lovers unsure and afraid to face the physical aspect of their relationship. (that's what I got from it, anyway) best of luck in your writing. ^_^ J

by LMPATE

this was really really beautiful!! I loved the imagery and "colorful" depiction of emotion. a really great concept! (I could literally see all the splashes of colors in my mind, swirling and splatting to oriental string music-of all things! haha!-to form an exquisite piece of mind art). great work! keep writing! J

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by LMPATE

by Catastrophe