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Lenore's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 12
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 12
“hmm well
your intro made you sound like an idiot”- solus_ipse
“Young man (or woman), you must learn to express your thoughts and feelings in a more refined and palatable way”- falconviews
“that’s always a great topic to write about, the world and how fucked things are at the moment”-justinlee1
“aren’t all religious tracts just another episode of Star Trek without the humour?”- cybermouse
“don’t feel special”- aslistless_asme
“Sit down in a hot tub”- InTheArmsofSleep
“aren’t we all credit whores here?”-pianorock
Items
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Child Uncultured and wild Your hair is mangled like your brain How dare you question My lyrical digestion You must be mistakened Your talent unawakened Still a sleepy, drooling babe Lacking the wisdom of age I pity your rage
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Version 6
2 Reviews
2 Comments
I wouldn't say it directly to your face But I'll type it without objection From any possible place With an internet connection Your internet infection My anonymous protection
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Version 1
5 Reviews
4 Comments
Child Uncultured and wild Your hair is mangled like your brain How dare you question My lyrical digestion You must be mistakened You talent unawakened Still a sleepy, drooling babe Lacking the wisdom of age I pity your rage
Version 3
3 Reviews
0 Comments
The relationship was symbiotic Questionable and erotic They needed what I didn't want They tried to play it nonchalant But I saw right through their hungry eyes Desperate, lonely, and ill advised I said: sit down, listen, and obey My every word cause you're on display They had no choice but to submit Still my grip was too loosely knit So I made it tighter They said: hold up I'm a lover not a fighter I said: what's the difference They said: war and belligerence But those things are the same! B...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Some things I did shouldn't be done Is it possible to feel guilt For feeling absolutely none My own nature I apprehend I see shadows inside myself A darkness I cannot defend Im not sorry not sorry my friend
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Reviews
This is very sincere in tone, coupled with sadness and bitterness upon reflecting on the forgetten relationship. I'm curious about the connotation of 'sin' and what exactly that means or if it is literal, and the emotional death afterwards. A lot of mixed feelings make it interesting, but I don't like the the inconsistent rhyme pattern. I don't think you should manipulate a sentance structure just to fit a rhyme beacuse it just doesn't 'flow' ex; 'As if your heart was whole and mine did never...
I feel doomed to meet a similiar demise. My art will suffer in the face of practical intelligence drawing me away from creative tendencies. I am also not willing to give up the possiblility of a comfortable life to pursue art. In a sense I'm the only one who will kill it.
The "Chelsea saids" I think are a but interruptive, but if they have some relevance your should keep them. I actually really like this poem and curious of the subject matter. I like your use of the word Trojans, though I'm not quite sure if you used it by this definition: somebody who is determined, strong, or courageous. at least that is how I interpreted it. Your talented, I've never seem a structure like this but it seems to work.
Someone has finally got an original thought. The ears do most of the lying, that's nice one. I'll remeber that. A great statement on how our own perception biases everthing.
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