Your overall writing style is very nice and soothing. Be cautious about using words that young children may not understand very well. There seems to be a "gap" between the first and second part of the introduction. In the first part, you are describing the world and how it was and how it changed. Then all of a sudden, you are asking the reader questions about nature and other specific topics without much of a transition. You need to find a way to bridge these two to make it flow better. It is...

I'm not sure about the line... "and his nose permeated the air." I don't believe (though I could be wrong) that the word permeated is used correctly here. Perhaps a smell could permeate the air. Also the line..."laughter flows and smile gleams"....the smile gleams part didn't make too much sense to me. Other than that it flows really well and is an entertaining read.

What a nice affirmation of the Christian faith. What a lovely prayer for a child. I can imagine my niece and nephews saying this before bedtime. Good luck!

I would definitely say that you need to stick to prose for this story. The rhymes in the story are very distracting, especially when they don't completely match up together. You have the right idea by repeating certain verses... For example... She signed the note with Love And tied it to the Foot of a Dove Away The Dove Flew Princess Raven did not want to see her Friend End up as Stew. I think the story overall has potential. I like the idea of the princess sending the notes to save her frien...

Okay, I'm typically not into these fantasy type stories, but your use of imagery was spectacular. I could really feel that the man truly felt guilt over what he was going to do with this child. I want to read more to find out where the man and the child disappear too. My only criticism is that there seem to be a few cliche's used....for example: It was as though the boy knew something was wrong. and you said something about the tears glistening in the moonlight. I think with a little creativi...

For lyrics, these are nice....but I couldn't mark high on the other categories because I don't think really fit into an anthology or book. I could see this as a religious song sung in church on a Sunday morning or even in a children's church program. The lyrics do flow quite nicely together. I can almost imagine the acoustic guitar in the back. The ending image of the streets being paved with Gold is a very nice ending.

I really like how you are able to describe the emotions of the people at the pride parade. They seem childlike, yet they are expressing their sexuality which may often be hidden from the world. I think that your use of imagery is fantastic. I especially liked the phrase "sexy sandwich." I also think that framing it into a movie scene really worked here.

This poem was very interesting to me and made me think, although I admit, I didn't completely understand what you were getting at....but maybe that was your point? I got a little confused about the sister and the uncle. Is this poem about incest perhaps? The "This is a freakshow" line kind of makes me think it is. I also don't understand the last line, "Kill that rent-a-car, son! Kill it!" I really like how the line "crowning achievement seems to have a double meaning here...very clever!" I g...

This poem about friendship is very relatable. I think most people have friendships that sort of ebb and flow and fall apart and come together. Having them end up as druggies together is definitely an interesting twist.