LoKiRha's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 30
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 30
i’m just some guy who speaks his mind. if you can’t speak your mind, then what else have you got?
Items
Version 2
4 Reviews
0 Comments
I sit here pressing f5, f5, f5…what do I do? What can I do? Why am I so involved in the uninvolved? Why is it like crack to me to get that hit, to get that digit up on the counter and know that I've been seen? I'm open for your viewing pleasure, but it's not you I've opened up for, is it? It was really for me. To satisfy the question I had to answer. The polls are out, the verdict's in. I was right. Now what do I do? I think I'll write some more. I'll write because that's what feeds this high...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
11 Comments
I sit here pressing f5, f5, f5…what do I do? What can I do? Why am I so involved in the uninvolved? Why is it like crack to me to get that hit, to get that digit up on the counter and know that I've been seen? I'm open for your viewing pleasure, but it's not you I've opened up for, is it? It was really for me. To satisfy the question I had to answer. The polls are out, the verdict's in. I was right. Now what do I do? I think I'll write some more. I'll write because that's what feeds this high...
Version 1
20 Reviews
17 Comments
I'm finding inspiration in every corner. Not a focused inspiration, but an overabundance of quips, quotes and comments. Epic tragedy, romance, comedy, I’m finding it everywhere. The kind of inspiration to make you laugh to yourself and sigh dreamily, thinking about how life should be, and want to tear at knowing how it really is. Where you know, if the moment presented itself, you could define your entire life into one haiku and tie every loose knot in your life, leaving calm closure in the h...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
3 Reviews
6 Comments
I got a thing for a woman who acts like a man Comfortable in her body, with a sun-kissed tan Sitting on the couch, telling me to get thinner With her feet off the ground, while I'm making dinner I got a thing for a woman who acts like a man Indecisive as ever, with a real firm hand Has me serve her desires whether or not I get tired Demanding oral pleasure whenever she's wired I got a thing for a woman who acts like a man Let's me play out the diva, though she can't understand Emotions like a...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I got a thing for a woman who acts like a man Comfortable in her body, with a sun-kissed tan Sitting on the couch, telling me to get thinner With her feet off the ground, while I'm making dinner I got a thing for a woman who acts like a man Indecisive as ever, with a real firm hand Has me serve her desires whether or not I get tired Demanding oral pleasure whenever she's wired I got a thing for a woman who acts like a man Let's me play out the diva, though she can't understand Emotions like a...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
In the first two-seconds (excuse the pun), I found myself wondering how the rest of this story would read. You seemed to want to throw as much detail into every sentence as possible. Don’t worry, I’m a big fan. The problem was, if it wasn’t heart-pounding action, or vivid scenery, it wasn’t very easy to read. I’m a big fan of the comma; something to help break apart varying thoughts and compound sentences. Also, you often got your tenses mixed up (“had” was used, when “has” was the correct wo...
I really enjoyed this piece. Death to life and life is deathly pale. That was fantastic! I really hate to give specific wording suggestions, but I would really take out the “But” and “Instead,” in the beginning of the second to last stanza. The “instead” could be swapped with the “they,” to allow the thought stream to grow and flow. The problem is, I never saw where the “stirring” in the earth stopped, so saying “but it didn’t stop” made me have to go back and reread from the beginning and se...
I’m not too sure if you’re looking for revision assistance or not, considering it’s a decade old, now. For the most part, I like the flow of this piece. What I didn’t like was the visuals – where did the porcelain sink come into play? Why is it likened to wine pouring out? Who pours wine out onto the sink? Also, you spoke in a general sense, personifying once at the beginning, and didn’t use the very personal “I” until halfway through – where you used it constantly. It seemed as if you ran ou...
Overall, I found this journey to be an enjoyable one (albeit a bit predictable – but that goes with the genre, I suppose). I still don’t understand most of the first bit, and you get a 10 for the mystery of the “man with the guitar,” because unless he’s the drug dealer (somehow) or representative of the feelings you have while under the influence of (said rainbow), I don’t have a clue. When showing the piece off, I would take out the colors. They were more bothersome on the eyes than benefici...
When I started this off, I immediately started copy/pasting things I liked. After four in a row, however, I thought it a little more prudent to instead post the few that I didn’t like as much. Abalone: definition one is a definite thumbs down. Antelope: seems like it’d be the exact opposite, no? “Ante”… like anti? I’d pick on more, but there weren’t really any others that stood out as obvious negatives. This was really funny. Here were some of my favorites: Abalone /Colonoscopy /Deism/ Microb...
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