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Louminator's profile
AGE:
37
LOC: Bakersfield, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 11
LOC: Bakersfield, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 11
Born in Spain, but raised as a military brat, I’ve never lived in one place for more than a few years. Even after my own brief tour of duty in stateside California, my roots have yet to take hold of any place long enough to live a boring and settled life. All that remains with me through the broken friendships and tattered hearts is the imagination and creativity of science fiction, fantasy, drama and comedy, that was nurtured since my youth through the writings of book and film. For years, I have written solely for myself as a pastime and a hobby. Never published. Never paid. Now, the time has come for me to write the stories that have been lying inside with heart and soul. This is the next step in my journey to become a writer.
Items
Version 2
13 Reviews
13 Comments
There was no warning when it happened. Few had survived the attack; those that did were used for kindling to set the building on fire. Their screams had alerted a wandering patrol nearby, but it was too late. By the time the alarm had been raised and help finally arrived on the scene, there was nothing that could be done for the burning men but end their suffering with a quick and merciful thrust of a blade. This was not the work of common thieves or street thugs botching an attempted robber...
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Version 1
16 Reviews
28 Comments
It was still dark in her room when Maereth Raevern woke up. Her body was tingling as her eyes suddenly flew open. The room was silent beneath the soft, rhythmic panting of her breath. Nothing stirred, even in the cold air. She swallowed hard, forcing her respiration to slow to a more comfortable pace, which allowed her to think without panic. Something had startled her completely from her deepest sleep, though she was not frightened. Fear was not unknown to Paladins, who are considered among...
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Version 1
11 Reviews
9 Comments
Sugo gazed outside the window watching the rain from her seat. She had not seen any of her friends this day, nor anyone else from the Fellowship. It seemed as if the rain had driven them all away, but she knew the weather had little to do with their constant comings and goings. Everyone had their own affairs to attend to recently, and it rarely included her. The waitress appeared and reached down for the empty bowl in front of Sugo, asking "Would you care for another helping, dear?" The crook...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
9 Comments
IN MOURNING Wake up in mourning everyday Just like a thousand times before Seasons pass and turn to gray My world is lost, once more The future is uncertain Until I find myself here Pulling back the curtain We sense the end draws near Childhood slips away from us all Our innocence claimed by Death We've come so far only to fall Gasping for every breath The power of Good and Purity fails Beneath an iron gauntlet, crushed For all our lives we hope to prevail Who knew it would mean so much? Our ...
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Reviews
Since you're admitting it is a first draft, I'll avoid pointing out any glaring errors with grammar. Those can be fixed up in the rewrites (hopefully). I don't know which contexts will transfer into a graphic novelization, so I'll leave that for you to decide which of these remarks will be appropriate and constructive, and which can be tossed aside. I'm going to treat this as a 'standard' novel. I imagine there will be a lot more visual representation in the graphic novel, but until I can act...
What a delectable piece! I find myself dwelling on the possible meanings and secret messages long after I've finished reading the last sentence. The test of time has been withstood for this one, and I suppose this genre is as good a place as any when the setting is 'inside the mind of a whale'. I'm not going to point out any percieved flaws or weaknesses in this writing for you. I can recognize every deliberate pick and use of words that collectively constitute your own style of writing, and ...
The story was good, but this was difficult to read. Personally, I'd like to see this story written in the first person perspective frome Charlie's point of view. Everything written gives him more focus than anyone else and that is where the PoV should follow. There's not enough detail about any of the other characters, so why waste an omniscient perspective if it's not being fully utilized? This would be much better if you could show the reader what is happening instead of just telling what's...
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