Lullaby's profile

This piece held my interest and I enjoyed how you introduced Worth to the readers. You paint him at first as a typical hot blooded male but then go on illustrate deeper parts of his character. The introduction of Sarah's mother is also quite comedic. Worths sudden hesitation towards Sarah, his moment of doubt, to me doesn't really fit in because it is such a quick change in his character. It may be better to develop him more earlier on or extend the part where he doubts himself, at present it...

Your words do well to help convey emotion, however in this piece they overcrowd each other and the flow of the piece is broken because it becomes hard to read. I often write in this sort of free-form style and i like how this piece is not confined to a certain structure or syllable count, yet your writing is still controlled and your idea's clear for the reader to understand.

I found this piece interesting, at parts it seems very thought-out and precise, however I thought other lines were thrown in to keep up the flow. You do mention that every line has meaning so maybe making this meaning just a bit more obvious to the reader would be good. I liked the break in the middle with 'swing,' it would be good to add that word in again maybe to emphasise it, perhaps at the ending becausse it sounds a bit unfinished. I enjoyed reading this :)