This is a very strong scene. The small points I have to offer are mostly technical. When the advisor (I'd like to know his name) shuffles out in his awkwardness, he uses the word "stuff" which plunges him into the grocery store and out of your well crafted fantasy world. There are a few times this happens throughout. Fantasy is tricky because elevated language can sometimes smack of being forced. Without it though, the story slips into the mundane. Another example: “After six, sorry, seven mo...

I don't know why...but I really liked this one. The dialogue is oafish and true at the same time. My favorite line (and I had a few): "I hate you" It was placed so succinctly after your description of the motorcade in the toilet bowl. If I were to tweak anything, i would change the wording around from "Shaking slightly" to "Slightly shaking" in order to match a little better with the antithesis of "Downright cracking" I may also like the word "Splitting" instead of cracking, but I'm a sucker ...

Nice work. The opening paragraph of seemingly disparate articels tied in well to your thesis. I'd like to see the CD and the tire resurface at the end somehow (since the life found its way back), but I'm not sure if it's worth tampering with an already tight piece of work. You've also managed to tap into a universal theme most of us encounter in our approach to writing. The confidence that can so easily spark our huberous and when it comes down to the actual work it's at starbux laughing at u...

This is the first poem reflective of 9/11 (man, I hope I'm right in my assumption) that I didn't want to puch the author in face. You avoid blatant sentimentality with your breakup of rhythm. I felt herky jerky throughout as the verse refused to settle into anything predeictable. The only time it caused a problem was on the line: "The chief stutters of horror at your work address". Is the word "of" supposed to be "in"? I was also confused about the identity of the speaker. I.E. who was singin...

Nicely done. I've stood over a number of graves and have always wondered if it was to be my last time to visit someone who wasn't really there. You did well to capture that moment, and to pinpoint the reality of carrying someone with you, without getting sentimental about it. The only real critiques I would offer are in the realm of rhythm and therefore punctuation and excess words: "Were more of a testament" I'd lose the word "of" "I won't be visiting anymore" - could use a period at the end...

This particular work felt a little forced, and I think I know why. You end each of your stanzas in a similar fashion, but your setup with the line: "One would have to believe and artist created their beauty" is slightly different than the rest. I think I would have bought the convention if it were identical to the rest (i.e. One would have to believe it was created by an artist) That said, if you keep it as is, you'll need to swap out "and" for "an". The word "stinch"...I think you meant "ste...

Not my cup of tea, but not bad at all. Your dialogue snaps well. The ending, though somewhat predictable, satisfied in an oddly meloncholic fashion. I figured Ruby had a little more under the hood, but the idea of Carl's drinking problem making everything "better" made me chuckle for a while. If I were to change anything, it would be to streamline things just a bit. "Twice divorced and now three years single...walked instead of crawled." There are a lot of great pictures in this sentence, but...

Even though I believe I know who wrote this, I will attempt to Salt the...Summarize my thoughts on the piece. I'm not sure whether you're Salvador Dali, ushering in a brand new way of regarding art, or if you're Chris Proctor the guy in my Freshman P.E. class. I never understood either of them. One of them ended up changing the world, the other oil on late model Buiks. Positive elements: There are a great number of word pictures that club me between the eyes. They follow (I'll not name them a...

I'd buy the island if I could guarantee myself some naturists... On the whole this is a very fun piece of work. I loved the footnotes (would have loved them more if we could have seen them as such, but the formatting here doesn't allow for it...blasted croats) The criticisms I have are in the realm of punctuation. The opening should either be broken up with periods (instead of commas) or allowed to flow together. The commas throughout do a nice job of seperating thoughts, but they should be s...

Brilliant. I am so glad I wasn't drinking milk at the time. I won't waste credits by typing more.