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M_Shay's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Doylestown, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 21
LOC: Doylestown, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 21
I don’t write as much as I should, and hopefully I can get into it more, I have a lot of free time, and I hope keeping up with this will sort of motivate me to write more.
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
A lot of people say I was a strange kid, then again, anything that's different from the norm is considered strange. The public has no perspective. Most kids have Superman, and Batman as their heroes. Kids don't see the story though, they only see a guy beating up bad guys for the greater good, blissfully unaware that the greater good is an opinion, a perspective. No, my heroes weren't spandex clad goons who felt the need to protect society's interest. My heroes were politicians and rock star...
Version 2
1 Review
3 Comments
Sam sat in his desolate room, the walls screaming things into his mind, things that he wasn’t convinced he should know. Blood stained the far wall, remnants of Nick, who’s skull he had crushed earlier that month. He found it funny that he knew all along he would kill Nick, but he left him hang around as if it was some sort of test. Maybe I’m wrong for once, he had thought, but then the day came when he went to the hardware store to purchase that sledge hammer. When he got back to his apartme...
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Jack Klinger stood over the Black Jack table, sweat dripping off of his forehead, his brown hair was a mop that sat upon his wrinkled face, soaking up the drops of perspiration as he awaited his fate. Jack was a man of the world, at least that’s what how he saw himself. In reality Jack was an ass hole, a guy who got lucky on the lottery and dumped his friends and his family for the “privileged life” as he liked to call it. His new hobby was Black Jack, there was less competition now that all...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Darkness overtakes the sky, the first waves of a thunderstorm, lightning shoots from the air to the ground leaving a black burn that will forever scar the land. Death roams this dismal shade of black, terrorizing the earth with massive bolts of electricity and pelting the land with hunks of ice that crush humans and plants alike. As Death passes a rumbling can be heard as flashes of red streak the sky, blood falls like rain, staining the earth a sickening red, the sky twists and contorts as ...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
Jack Klinger stood over the black jack table, sweat dripping off of his forehead, his brown hair was a mop with sweat. The table's green felt top laughed in Jack's face, the dealer burned two holes in him with her eyes. The dealer had a queen showing, while Jack had a nine and a five. jack hit on it, and got another five, he stuck on nineteen. Jack's eyes exploded out of his face as the dealer's card was turned, the card seemed to hold the weight of the world and made a terrible thud that sh...
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Reviews
I'm not sure I understand the point of this story. At first it seems like Elise is displeased with her appearance and that is why she's cutting herself. Later however, we find out that she's in a depressed state due to her parents dying, making the first sentence sort of useless and misleading. Also this sentence:"Or Ron, who wore the boot, when he came through and, with Harold, pulled her out to newly arriving EMTs." is a bit of a mess, though it's more than likely that it's simply that the ...
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I thought this story was pretty interesting, it gave me a sort of wonder what happens next vibe. The first paragraph is sort of floaty, as it doesn't seem to fit anywhere else in the story. It's a good opening it just seems like it doesn't fit in, obviously it's somewhere between when they first met and the end when they're together, it just seems kind of unspecific. I find there to be alot of little details that don't really go anywhere. I have a hard time deciding if they really add anythin...
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I liked the story, the dialogue was intersting, and it wasn't too technical so it was still easy to understand. I think the ending should be re-worked, it just sort of stops. There's no closure. Either the guy was just crazy, or Joel and the rest of the world dies. Which is a pretty big question to be left hanging on. I think it sort of strange that Benny, being a genius himself, would want to have an intern at some biotech lab to be his voice. If he knew so much about the bug he made, wouldn...
Very cool story. The dialougue is very natural, and the story is cohesive. I have a slight problem understading this line "You were my hero, and when you said that you’d come if I blew town I thought everything was cool. And it was." I sort of get the point, but it messed up the flow of the story, I had to read the line a couple of times to make sure I was readng it right. Other than that I really can't find much else to change or anything that could be considered a glaring hole. Overall I go...
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