AGE:
15 LOC:
United States GEN:
Female LAST LOGIN:
November 17
Hi, my name’s Maddi [: I’m in highschool and I’ve always loved writing…. I basically joined this site just to write for fun. My other hobbies are volleyball, running, fashion, and making friends. Thanks for reading my profile!
"Hey," he started, again, taking a long and forceful stride in my direction. "If it makes you feel any better, I bet your parents are happy to be under the dirt. At lease they don't have to deal with YOU anymore." I heard Ricky make a deep, throaty laugh. My palms began sweating, and I felt the color drain from my cheeks. I wanted to holler at him---to cuss him out like a sailor--- but my words were desperately trapped behind my teeth. Scowering at him, I opened my mouth a...
I just jutted out my chin, his words were harsh. What did I do to deserve this? "Ricky, just leave me alone." I snapped. He laughed and pushed my shoulder back as I struggled to walk away from him. "Ooh," he mocked, lifting one eyebrow, "getting feisty." He continued on, making a snide comment about my home life. My brow tightened as my insides twisted in pain. Tears burned underneath my eyel...
Reaching up, I felt tiny droplets of sweat forming on my moist forehead. I was becoming more and more terrified with every second that was ticking away. I heard him behind me, sharpening a silver blade. His dark face was hidden underneath a black cap, yet I could feel the hungriness of his eyes. As the dark shadow of the vicious killer slowly approached, he let out a crackling, demonic laugh. I nearly felt my heart pounding out of my tight chest.&n...
You have a nice style! Only a few suggestions. I'd change: "She sat there for a minute, clicked open her soda can taking a long drink" to "Sitting there for a minute, she popped open a soda and began taking a long drink." Also, the dialouge got confusing--- remember, dialouge is great but you should try to mix it up a little bit. Although your readers will enjoy reading a conversation, it would benefit you to add some variation.
Good job of capturing my attention! I liked it, however,it did not bring up any "intense emotions" as I read it. Maybe because I did not identify with your childhood. It still sounds interesting, and I think I would read it .
I really loved this! I only have a few suggestions.. The sentence: "He was so darned… consistent." Shouldn't "darned" be changed to "darn?" Also, "her sister’s receptionist’s daughter’s high school graduation party." is unclear and confusing. I would change it to something simple, like "a distant friend" or "the graduation party of a friend of a friend." Something else. Overall it was very cute and it definetly caught my eye!!! I will continue reading [: Good luck!
I liked it, and you seem to know what you are doing. The only suggestion I would make is to use more description in your writing (more adjectives) and less dialouge. In order to paint a clear picture in the readers mind, you must describe the setting, the character's emotions, etc. Although you do a good job of describing the setting, I think you would really benefit from more detail in your writing :]