Maddi's profile

Maddi avatar
AGE: 15
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 17

Hi, my name’s Maddi [:  I’m in highschool and I’ve always loved writing…. I basically joined this site just to write for fun. My other hobbies are volleyball, running, fashion, and making friends.  Thanks for reading my profile!

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Young Adult / Angel, continued
Version 1
5 Reviews   1 Comment
"Hey," he started, again, taking a long and forceful stride in my direction. "If it makes you feel any better, I bet your parents are happy to be under the dirt. At lease they don't have to deal with YOU anymore." I heard Ricky make a deep, throaty laugh. My palms began sweating, and I felt the color drain from my cheeks. I wanted to holler at him---to cuss him out like a sailor--- but my words were desperately trapped behind my teeth. Scowering at him, I opened my mouth a...
Ratings & Rankings
Young Adult / Angel
Version 3
5 Reviews   4 Comments
I just jutted out my chin, his words were harsh.  What did I do to deserve this? "Ricky, just leave me alone." I snapped.  He laughed and pushed my shoulder back as I struggled to walk away from him.  "Ooh," he mocked, lifting one eyebrow,  "getting feisty."  He continued on, making a snide comment about my home life.  My brow tightened as my insides twisted in pain.  Tears burned underneath my eyel...
Ratings & Rankings
Young Adult / Angel, Prologue
Version 1
5 Reviews   7 Comments
Reaching up, I felt tiny droplets of sweat forming on my moist forehead.  I was becoming more and more terrified with every second that was ticking away.  I heard him behind me, sharpening a silver blade.  His dark face was hidden underneath a black cap, yet I could feel the hungriness of his eyes.  As the dark shadow of the vicious killer slowly approached, he let out a crackling, demonic laugh.  I nearly felt my heart pounding out of my tight chest.&n...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Reviews
Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / Darren McNamara
I liked it, but I have to say the beginning was confusing.. it sounded like a documentary rather than a character summary.
Novel Treatments / "Letters" chapter 2
You have a nice style! Only a few suggestions. I'd change: "She sat there for a minute, clicked open her soda can taking a long drink" to "Sitting there for a minute, she popped open a soda and began taking a long drink." Also, the dialouge got confusing--- remember, dialouge is great but you should try to mix it up a little bit. Although your readers will enjoy reading a conversation, it would benefit you to add some variation.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Journal Introduction
Good job of capturing my attention! I liked it, however,it did not bring up any "intense emotions" as I read it. Maybe because I did not identify with your childhood. It still sounds interesting, and I think I would read it .
Flash Fiction / Fair Play
I really loved this! I only have a few suggestions.. The sentence: "He was so darned… consistent." Shouldn't "darned" be changed to "darn?" Also, "her sister’s receptionist’s daughter’s high school graduation party." is unclear and confusing. I would change it to something simple, like "a distant friend" or "the graduation party of a friend of a friend." Something else. Overall it was very cute and it definetly caught my eye!!! I will continue reading [: Good luck!
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Novel Treatments / The Kaeus - Chapter 1
I liked it, and you seem to know what you are doing. The only suggestion I would make is to use more description in your writing (more adjectives) and less dialouge. In order to paint a clear picture in the readers mind, you must describe the setting, the character's emotions, etc. Although you do a good job of describing the setting, I think you would really benefit from more detail in your writing :]
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ITEMS (2)

 

Romance / On Your Wings
Flash Fiction / Fair Play

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