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Magesius's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: La Vista, NE
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 02
LOC: La Vista, NE
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 02
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Don't want to be the final act in your daydream play, relegated to the background in a such fucked up way. I always tried to treat you like the special girl you are. Billions of people on this rock, you were the brightest star. Who made it to your birthday when some douche bag wasn't there? Who helped you pass your classes when others didn't care? Who was there with random surprises when you were feeling down? Who took the day off of work to comfort you when no one was around? Who hid in your...
Version 1
12 Reviews
1 Comment
The gun felt heavy and cold in Jude’s trembling hand. A cold salty sea-breeze wisped through his hair as he sat in the sand cross-legged with his heavy head hanging like some limp bag. He refused to look up; the world held no joy for him any longer. The gray clouds covering the sky reflected the emptiness in his soul. He mindlessly caressed the trigger of the small, heavy revolver. A brief glimpse of golden hair flashed in his mind. Jude slowly shook his head and ran his left hand through his...
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Reviews
I'm a little younger so the true meaning of this poem will probably hit me then. However, looking at this from a strictly poem basis, I like it. There's a lot of wisdom in the words. The only thing I might try to do to strengthen the work is to find some more powerful nouns and verbs in place of some of the weaker ones. This will help draw the readers attention to the areas you'd like them to concentrate on. Other than that, good work. Keep writing!
Wow is all I can say. Obviously this being only the first chapter there is still going to be a lot to come. I greatly enjoyed the detail of your writing. It paints a vivid picture in the mind of the reader. Also, your dialogue is very believable. It doesnt read like someone is writing it as much as feeling that you are watching people have an real life conversation. I do feel like sometimes your sentences want to tell too much information. But maybe that's just the Hemingway in me thinking le...
Well, I really enjoyed this poem. It's simple and short, yet sets a very ethereal mood. I like the way your line breaks are set out also, theres no part that looks out of place or drags. Good job!
Well, overall if you're going for a metal song, this will get the job done. I mean, the lyrics flow well with the rhyme scheme, but the meaning is lost. I dont know if that's just me, or if that's a common response for you. I will say this; these are my favorite lines in the song. As I awake among ancient graves and tombs, The voices of dead necromancers mock me. I dont know why, but the imagery of these two lines together is good. keep refining the lyrics and I think it could turn out good!
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