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MagusRagnarok's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Greensboro, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 04
LOC: Greensboro, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 04
My name is Jeremy Hobbs, I’m eighteen years old but I’ll be nineteen in a month. Writing poetry and songs is my life. I’m in college majoring in English so that I may be a Journalist later on for either the Entertainment or Sports world. Although my writings take on a very dark aspect I can pull off or BS my way through anything. Eventually plan to release a book of poetry whether professionally or amateurly has not yet been determined. I would also like to sell my song lyrics to established or upcoming artists as well as record labels. Several of my songs have been bought by local bands in the greater North Carolina area already.
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Surroundings driving my sanity away Can't believe these loops within my head All I'm worth is absolutely nothing Can't you see the pain that controls everything No one seems to find the key to let me out My cell over ran with emotions I can't control Uncomfortable inside the comfort of my own home Alive but what's the point when you have nothing No place to truly call my own, no space to love Rapidly my mind deteriates, becoming slower Afraid of what may soon become of my aggressive stance Ge...
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Heart beats rapidly Didn't know you well Together to fall back Did you know I care Maybe you never did Can see your skeleton Reveals the blueprint You follow me away Into the abyss, why Put this hole through my heart Do it now while still we love Cut me out of that picture Never remember me for what was Or even a detail of my looks Grains of salt shifted around my mouth Gargling as the river runs over the dam Pulling away from shore, drowning slow So cold the shivers race through inside Face ...
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Cities burn like paper, inflamed by rage Seen for what they really are, no security Everyone realizes what he meant, scared child This monster left before us not the same Another body falls limp, all hope now lost Each body count another will gone, so fragile His heart murdered in cold blood, left black Facial expressions frozen, the zombie only Pain relived from his soul, emotions fail Returning to the scene for one last thrill He breaks down in tears, why must he see The agony he caused for...
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Back again this circle has come Around and about you expect so little Yet too often this conversation turns black Cold as the ice shards shown across your face Foolish to have thought a soultion was near Blinded, the lights have all been shunned Disbelief, could it really be the truth Alone, broken down by the pathetic quotes Scapegoat, example the failures of society Badly have wanted to let the tears flow Taste the salt stream down like the ocean Too paranoid to leave behind this disguise I...
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Get away from here Today my heart closes it's gates One too many times my back stabbed Thrown so far into oblivion So quick to trust The sky to me was so very clear Few extra glances reveals a cloud Overlooked to keep pretending After me the truth Looking down the sky above shines The mind however can't hide the picture Rain starts to fall in masses Can't stand my face Crying hard hoping to grab a hand Begging one for help yet nobody comes Darkening sky blocking light Ready to return Won't ke...
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I thought this was pretty well written except that the main idea seems to be slightly clouded and should probably be a bit more elabrate
Wow, this is a really powerful writing. The character perspective wa quite well done and the body of the piece just read smoothly. It transitioned from one thing to the next. My only suggestion would be to maybe go back and change some of the ending. Describing the artery and how to kill yourself isn't generally all that dramatic as this is meant to be. Instead try to find a more creative, non direct way describe the unbearable pain that causes this to happen. You acknowledge your regret as w...
Okay.. your imagery was nice to a degree except you took it almost too far I thought. You just didn't seem to have a real point until the end and wehere was your emotion? I want to know how this event made you feel and not just what happened
I thought this piece was really nice in several ways. The flow was very smooth and I felt the emotions you were trying to show. My only advice would be the last line in each stanza should be adjusted slightly to better run with the flow. Since it doesn't rhyme it has to have something else to make it sound similar with the stanzas preceding it.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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