Majireon's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Fairdale, WV
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 19
LOC: Fairdale, WV
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 19
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Items
Version 5
5 Reviews
0 Comments
August, 25, 2009 165.87 miles south of Cairo, Egypt. Lat: 28°22'4.72"N Long: 29°17'27.23"E Malkira’s body lies twisted and broken in the middle of a large ancient sanctuary. His breathing is ragged, and his armors chest plate has been pulverized. Blood drips rapidly from the ends of his exposed ribs, pooling around him on the intricately tiled floor. He lifts his blood soaked head, and looks at the timer on his crushed wrist. The pain is intense. “They aren&rsqu...
Version 2
10 Reviews
5 Comments
Suddenly, a high-pitched whistle starts to echo through the chamber. Apollyon twists his head curiously to the side, as he taps his helmets temple, and asks "Do the rest of you hear that?" The team looks around, and rapidly edge toward the door, Malkira in the center of the formation carrying the crate. As they reach the massive arched portal leading to the surface, a light flares over the altar. Malkira looks over his shoulder, and watches as the form of a man begins to coalesce over the alt...
Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
It's hard to think when you are trapped in the middle of a raging inferno. I guess you should be trying to escape, but really the only thing that comes to mind is how big those fucking blisters on your arms are getting. Is skin supposed to bubble? Fuck! I know its not supposed to split like that. Let's examine the situation form a distance. Heres the set-up: A two bedroom wood frame house. You fell asleep and everything was fine, but now the world has transformed into your worst vision of He...
Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
Designing dreams for lesser men making millions whats my sin build the future watch it fly you're infected you will die Fuck your sickness Fuck your cure Keep away You're all impure I'm protected from the plagues Inside my mansion barricades tried to run tried to hide In my own waste I will die The future I've seen with these eyes The earths infected it will die But I feel safe inside my head I've seen the future it is dead
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
The virulent thoughts of the mediocre, struggle to subdue my mind. They scream "Conform", and consume my inner peace. My vision fades into the sight of the blind, the black threatens to overwhelm me, and the breath of my demons rushes in my ears. All I have left are my thoughts, and the battle is lost. The victors look down at my trembling frame. My scars on display for all to see, as I bleed out, upon the dingy floor of my mental fortress. Its walls crumble in the onslaught, destroyed by the...
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Reviews
Ok, so I think the premise is interesting, and would like to read more about this world, but as it is, I dont have enough info to decide if the story you are going to tell set in this world is one I want to read. Is the story going to be about the mother, and daughter in the village, or is this just an intro to the story of Jon on the scout party mission? I think that the dialogue worked well, and seemed natural enough, I dont know what kinda accent/slangy-ness you were going for with Bryce, ...
She felt...in here = her. Yeria had gone a month long journey = gone on. For the third time that day, Charlotte blushed again. = Charlotte blushed. Again is redundant. said Jon Nanea (that was his name, Sir Evan remembered). I have been told multiple times not to put things in parentheses, as it takes the readero out tof the story, reminding them that there is an author. You could reword this and still make it work. ”Did you know that your daughter was having a relationship with Prince Michae...
I got to the last page, and was shocked. I had no idea that I had even progressed that far in the story. Usually on this site these 13 page stories seem to last forever. The pacing was great, and the attention to detail was impressive. I gather from the ammount of detail given about Gavin, and through him about his situation, that you either were in, or are related to someone in the service. If not, this is even more impressive. The things that I think that worked well, The descriptions were ...
I enjoyed the plain, kind of minimalistic simplicity of this piece. There was nothing extravigant or showy about this song. It is simply pain and inner conflict put on paper. It's something any one could relate to. I also found the rhyme scheme to be quite interesting. Even though I really don't care for the subject matter of this piece because love is the only thing any one ever writes about, it was refreshing to see a "real" down to earth presentation of it.
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