It's very thought provoking. Very interesting. The only comment that I can really make to be "helpful" would be ... "I have ever felt a lingering sadness" I think you need to take out the word ever... it seems incorrect. But other than that, I like it.

I think more of us have felt this way then we care to admit. It's very touching. I really cant find much that is wrong with it grammar-ly. I think you should make this into 2 lines... "Yet I have found myself forgiving…almost to a fault." Other than that, its wrenches at the heart. Good Job

It's quite nice. The only thing I see right off is ... "Think of my love but as shy morning sun" After as, I think you need "the". Other than that its wonderful and I enjoyed it.

I really liked this. I've never laughed so loud at a poem before. I liked the rhymes, the tone, the rhythem. It reminds me of a guy I knew in high school! His fav comment was, "Can you start suck a Harley?" But anyway... The mommy thing was alil gross... I sorta see bad imaging in my head with that line. (goodness I'm still smiling) ... My opinion? DONT CHANGE IT!

Your right, this is more pessimestic than the other poem. This is your heart. The other was just a view. For the critique - it's very good, it does seem more of a story though, and you could easily write it. Back to beyond the poem, We do share many things in common, so I relate a little too well. It's not loseing the memory that will help, its conquering it. Dont let it shape you.

It's Beautiful. It really makes you think about how unappreciated they are. For the critique - Your missing only a few puncuations, but you put in a lot more than I would have. I'm horrid that way.

It's sad... I wanna cry, but I dont know how for, the queen with the mysteriness of the ending of the relationship, or the writer, who fights over his feelings. It's written very well, I'm not sure if there is an error here... "In together-future dreams." for some reason, it just seems alil off.

Okay, you messed up your 2 to 4 again, I cant believe I didnt notice it before.. "It’s over, I am too tired" That's 3 to 5... So, I dont know what you should do to fix it, but... :) DO IT! lol Anyway, nice, keep up the good work. I like your other ones more, this one isnt at all cryptic to what I'm used to, I can actually see what you mean without thinking about it, was that a mistake, or did you actually do that on purpose?

I think you did an amazing job. I actually read your eight pages, which I didnt expect. It was a little slow with the first few pages with your history. I cant quite explain it, but at the same time, I think you didnt give enough background. Im sure if I were reading the rest of the novel, it would fit in with everything, but for a short excerpt it was quite wonderful. A ... pleasure to read.