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Maroonone's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: Grayson, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 04
LOC: Grayson, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 04
Items
Version 1
11 Reviews
2 Comments
A kind word, one longs to hear a gentle word. Words of wisdom whispering, encouraging expressions in my ear. A promise to keep of love and life, A memory so sweet words cannot describe. Words of kindness so positively divine. Awake with promise of a new day so bright. Honey filled, warmed to ripple in the golden sunlight. Arise from this slumber to the singing of sweet songs in my ear. Nothing compares to the serene blue water that surrounds. The air wonderfully crisp; there’s a peace in thi...
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Version 3
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Awake My voice has left me weary. All there is,... are my words locked deep inside. My partner beside me has yet to see the hurt covert. Can he comprehend my heartache so deep. Caught up, he fails to realize the love fading, dying. Negligence arrived, choking the very essence of adoration. Our flower has crumbled, withering as I wait. It can’t spring with the new day, because the sunshine has left it scorched without the touch of rain. No love has touched its petals. No hands to caress its’ ...
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Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Awake My voice has left me weary. All there is are my words locked deep inside. My partner beside me has yet to see the hurt covert. Can he comprehend my hurt so deep. Caught up, he fails to realize the love fading, dying. Negligence arrived, choking the very essence of love. Our flower has crumbled, withering as I wait. It can’t spring with the new day, because the sunshine has left it scorched without the touch of rain to restore its’ luster. No love has touched its petals. No hands to car...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Awake My voice has left me weary. All there is are my words locked deep inside. My partner beside me has yet to see the hurt covert. Can he comprehend my hurt so deep. Caught up, he fails to realize the love fading, dying. Negligence arrived, choking the very essence of love. Our flower has crumbled, withering as I wait. It can’t spring with the new day, ‘cause the sunshine has left it scorched without the touch of rain to restore it’s luster. No love has touched its petals. No hands to cares...
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Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
Alone I feel Lost in the sense of not knowing where to go or whom to trust. Lost, Lost… so misled. Answers swirling inside my head, confusing my mind, making me bare to the winds of time. To whom can I turn? No one to call friend. Alone without understanding, No kinship to bid my soul well. How I long for words with another to fill this soul with purpose or other. Lost… ...Lost… Words without wisdom, Wisdom without understanding, Lost, alone without a soul to share my world, Nowhere to go Now...
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Reviews
I am not sure where you are taking this. I am sure this is an abstract piece but I still did not get message or the direction you are taking this. If there is no message, please ignore. Tried developing your idea. You are on to a good start. Don't loose faith. When writing you want to convey so sort of direction so your readers won't be left wondering. Thanks for allowing me to review your work.
A bit short. You should consider expanding. I wasn't captivated... it lacks emotions. Therefore, your readers are not connecting. You are sending a message.... simply making a statement of how you miss her. Tell us what happened. Help the readers to miss her too.
This is quite a powerful piece. You may want to punctuate. Also Line 17... "the dead me stirs" .... needs revising. Maybe you intend it to read this way, if so ignore my comment. I like this poem a lot. It evokes many emotions. I can relate to being awake "even in my sleep.” Thanks for allowing me to read your poem! I enjoyed reading it and hope you will share more of your writings.
I love the way you started. The first 7 lines flow nicely and expressed your thoughts descriptively. I lost you in the second paragraph. You are off to a great start. In line 8 you should consider replacing "dropped" with another word that will keep the poem on the same track/path. I really like this poem. Work on it a bit and it will be prefect. You defiantly have talent!
I understand that loosing someone so close is hard to comprehend and hard to deal with. When we try to stay be strong for others around, it can get overwhelming. I love the way you express yourself. Line 1 & 2 are my favorite lines: “Dawn comes like an explosion of fire...” I like the flow and tone of the poem. Good luck you are destiny to be a writer. To see the rainbow through a storm, you capture that in your poem. Your message, I believe Live for the moment, take it one moment at a time.
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