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Maryjski's profile
AGE:
51
LOC: Goose Creek, SC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 09
LOC: Goose Creek, SC
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 09
I’m an avid reader of captivating stories of suspense with life
threatening mysteries to solve. I love to write mystery/suspense novels. That’s when I feel most at peace. Check out my website: http://m.j.macie.novelist.googlepages.com
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Version 1
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Six years later. April 29, 3:00 a.m. ONE “No!” she heard herself cry out. Anne Corey opened her eyes to find herself sitting upright in bed, her nightgown soaked with perspiration. Was it the dream that had woken her? No, she’d heard a noise. She was sure of it. She sat still in the darkness of her room, her heart pounding in her chest as she listened for the next sound. Nothing. Her hand shook as she turned on the lamp next to the bed and pulled the telephone from the nightstand. She had to...
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I like your poem. It has a smooth rhythm to it and a nice flow. I like the way the narrator compares the temper tantrum of a baby to his/her own behavior. I’m assuming the narrator is a woman, but since it’s not stated I’ll continue with he/he because a man can act just as childish when he want his way. I also like that the poem “shows” not “tells” the reader that the narrator is spoiled, selfish and used to getting what he/she wants. The stanza, “Look at this pitiful face, Doesn’t it make yo...
Wow! That was very descriptive. You give a glimpse into the thoughts/fantasies men have while going about their day. You then tell how their egos are somewhat deflated by the reality that what they are fantasizing isn’t going to come true when you next write, “No, nothing ever comes of these chimerical meanderings, or if so, seldom do they grasp even the slightest resemblance to these amorous whims.” Yet, I get the impression that even with that known; the fantasy is enjoyable enough to satis...
I like your story and would love to read more of it. I found it interesting from the first line. I like the way you start out by telling us you’re going to talk about “your gift.” I also like that you make a comparison of those who have gifts and don’t know it, have them and lose them, and have them and know they have them. You build a sense of tension by mentioning your gift, telling us your one of the lucky ones, and then refusing to tell us right off what it is. You keep the reader hanging...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
No need to use “big words”. Usually a simple, clear word will do the trick without throwing the reader off. It makes it look like the author is trying to show off when he/she chooses uncommon words that are not used in normal, everyday dialogue. It also distracts the reader from the story. If they have to go look up a word, that’s not bad, if they have to look up more than one, they will more than likely put the story down. But don’t let my opinion stop you. I believe you are trying to show t...
I love your writing style and I especially love that your poem rhymes. Too many poets have given up on rhyme and that is a discipline we should never lose. I’m not sure what the theme is but I’m guessing it has to do with child abuse. I say this because of the lines, “Twisted, dancing lullabyes,” “Baby’s gotta run! And Coming out but hiding all The games played in the dark.” Also you mention Mama and Daddy and those are words a child uses when addressing their parents. Your theme may also be ...
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