Melagius's profile

hey, hahaha, im not one for poetry but that was pretty good! the only thing you really need to do is fix a few errors such as on your fourth real paragraph you put "tere" when it should be "there". thats all i'd say you need to fix. otherwise it was rather amusing. i enjoyed how you talked about doctors only caring about money. good job.

well i do think it is an interesting piece. the style and word choice i found interesting. what i would say is that i got a little hung up on the term "black nirvana" i was confused at what you were trying to portray there and it interupted the flow which can be very important in poetry. perhaps you might want to consider re wording that. also you say "the light makes everything so pretty" its a good segment but unless you want those pauses where they are you will have to find a way to re pos...

This is a fantastic piece of literature. I really like the way you started each paragraph (i dont know the term in poetry) but the way you put it i rupture i rupture for your life it flows very well and shows your skills as a writer. I honestly dont think you should change anything. i would say however, that your poem is advanced and only people with knowledge behind this subject matter will understand what your saying. so if you promote it make sure you promote it to the right audience becau...