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Merrick's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Mentor, OH
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 17
LOC: Mentor, OH
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 17
I am an american writer who is only 16 years old. I have been writing for, according to my parents, my whole life. I play the trombone, some piano, and the electric bass guitar. I have a completely insane family, which usually is the perfect condition for an amazing writer to spon from. With my writing I wish to mold my future and eventually write a novel that will, hopefuly, influence the course of history, as we all do. Help me achieve this by influencing me to improve on my writing skills.
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Version 1
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Creatures I am alone in the darkness of the night. and I must stand still to avoid the creatures that live here in the streets. I have never seen one, but I have heard of their evils. The news programs on the television talk about them almost constantly they warn all of the American people to fear them and to keep our distance, And I believe I might have a confrontation tonight with one. Try to remain still, try to remain quiet I tell myself, I feel a sneeze coming on, I must not let it out o...
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Version 3
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With a self mutilated heart, We stood frozen in the absence of power. Living with a father and the falsehood of truth. A new story emerged from a less virtuous reality. They edited it a billion times, Until the truth was unknown They live like gods and the oppositions are called evil. Their evil could be in the right. False are the gods to which we worship. False are the opposing evils. All is in the falsehood of creation. Nothing is truth; therefore, nothing is what some believe.
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I really like this poem. Your dificulties with punctuation is an easy problem to solve. Just think of each stanza as a sort of sentence if you must and punctuate it how you would usually punctuate a sentence. Overall the poem was enjoyable to read, but it seemed like it ended too suddenly. You should elaberate on a proper ending to make the reader feel a sence of completion in the end.
I like the figurative language, "Ugly Daughter." Nice. Oh, and I hope you become a ragin drunk and begin to write those medicre pieces. haha. Good luck to you.
haha. This is a very entertaining quote and i know a lot of people who would be interested in reading it. At first I thought it was going to be a: 'life is like a box of chocolates,' thing, but it was more comical. Muy Bien!
This poem is kind of rambling on and on and on, so you might want to anchor in on just one topic to write about not just put down all of your random thoughts into a poem. it makes it boring and not fun to read. and your structure is lacking perfection. You have to organize it much better. Other than that I really like the first stanza. it's exciting and the topic didn't completely change within it! it kept me entertained!
Each line seems extremely disconnected from each other. Acrostic poems are more for beginers and skill building exercises, not really for serious poetry. it is a fun idea though and it looks as though you had fun doing it, too. My suggestion to you is connect your lines. don't make them choppy and relate them to each other. It will really improve the flow of you work! Keep Writting!!
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