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ModernFilms's profile
AGE:
24
LAST LOGIN: July 29
LAST LOGIN: July 29
I am a writer of poetry, screenplays, novels, essays, and short stories.
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Version 1
5 Reviews
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Depersonalized; but the words still come.
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Version 1
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The gray knives above, meshed with that boiling chandelier, threatens to rip itself apart and spew forth from its jaws a blood: two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen. On a forgotten highway, a million liquid teeth drive down and explode in strobe flashes, the sky quakes and rolls over elms beside the road. Rain falls from nothingness, topples from invisible clouds, tears from invincible stars, and lands on our unhaloed heads. We stand in the shadow of the last drops of sunlight and watch nature...
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I like the tone of this piece very much and appreciate the literary textures that you used to better convey what the poem was about. My favorite part was the "against me" after you established that the narrator was, perhaps, crazy for holding a person in "this way." I like this imagery because of the parallelism that you employed: the narrator is actually holding another person or the narrator is holding the fact there exists craziness regarding loving someone against their conscience. Very n...
This is a cute little poem, but I don't think that its structure really fits it. I think the work would flow better if you reassessed your line breaks. Also, the piece seems a little awkward and unbalanced in that it starts as a casual conversation but then tries to conclude as a thinking piece which seems really counterproductive to me because it seems to be way too much of a polarization in relation to the subject matter. I think the theme would fit better if you fleshed the poem out and ma...
I really enjoyed this poem and the way its conclusion dignified its purpose for being written. I agree with the contents of the composition and think that you voiced it very well. The word choice and structure were very nicely implemented and I can't see any real areas that you should be concerned about. Thanks for writing that.
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