MoulinCool's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Littleton, NH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 01
LOC: Littleton, NH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 01
ohhai.
im kayy.
and i like to write.
anything really.
-poetry.
-fantasy.
-silly stories that make no sense in the end.
-fiction.
anything that is fun and meaningful. [:
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rainbows in diamonds and sea-coloured rings pink-lit skies where ants sit like kings edible soil and sun all around - the perfect place where nobody's bound the trees are orange and the grass is blue - a kind of place that is alive only to you adults do not know of such mysteries here they are subconsciously driven by simply their fears but still you lay for hour without end on silver buttons which scatter the hill while polka-dotted currents flow through bends cloud-gazing for pandas eating ...
Version 1
1 Review
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I clump my jacket sleeve into the palm of my hand and sweep it across my forehead, removing the sweat that has been forming across my brow. Stretching out my arm so the material hangs back comfortably, I glance down at the stitched acronym, “WWJD” (What Would Jesus Do), which is centered in a damp absorbed puddle of perspiration. Five days -one hundred and twenty hours, two thousand, eight hundred and eighty minutes- is the length of time that I have been walking for, stoppi...
Version 2
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It has been almost a year and a half since my fathers murder and almost four and a half years since the death of my mother. Have I recovered from either? Of course not. I still have the same reoccurring nightmare each night. Or, if I am lucky, every other night. Even whenever I think about the dream it is brought to life. Every sound, smell, happening… It is night. Its night but there is no luminescence given from the full moon on this dull September day. It is so cold that I can see t...
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
It has been almost a year and a half since my fathers murder and almost four and a half years since the death of my mother. Have I recovered from either? Of course not. I still have the same reoccurring nightmare each night. Or, if I am lucky, every other night. Even whenever I think about the dream it is brought to life. Every sound, smell, happening… It is night. Its night but there is no luminescence given fr...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Purple Love. Love is on my wrist Carved in ink Forever permanent A reminder of happy Purple love is on my wrist Feel each letter on my skin Line by line Stroke by stroke To feel the past of pain Love was on my wrist Vein tangled background Cold as Winter’s morning Frost on the hearse Red on noses Bitter winds thrashing about Trailing with it Purple Love.
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Reviews
I love how you start with "He closed his eyes" and end it the same way... beginning in an exotic tone and moving throughout the story to end with a bit of a sad and sleepy tone. Excellent work and will definitely follow this and more of your work. Nicely done. [:
Second to last verse -"but scars reamin" -- "remain" ** A nice meaning behind the lyrics, but I could not guess a beat for this. Party because, I think, the flow is off. Actually, there really is no flow at all. Work on that, rhyme, etc., and I think this piece will be better. Nice work and good luck. :]
stomach is unbearable - are * unbearable "...my bladder take control during my slumber." - Change to "... my bladder lose control during..." If your bladder was in control, then there wouldn't be the embarrassment. Quite the scene that you have painted for the reader. You write very well and are very descriptive with the detail but I can't help but think that sometimes the amount of described detail you have is distracting from the story. While it is well-written, I feel like it was too much ...
The AB AB rhyme pattern at the beginning becomes ABC BC (kind of) slightly in the middle and then goes back to AB AB near the end. I suggest to make the whole song AB AB, so the lyrics flow more. But I really like what you have here. I could see an artist such as Jason Mraz (maybe? ) use this. Has that "earthy" and slow emotion to it. Nice work and good luck. :]
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