I enjoyed the levels of reflection in this poem. It was very interesting to read. The way you structured the words in this is very good especially in the 6th and 7th stanzas. I think it shows that you have to have something to look forward to in life and even in death despite the past. I think the last line in the 6th stanza "most of all i miss beer" it adds much needed comical humor. It has its highs and lows about life and i think that it helps to pull together a strong poem. And the last l...

I think that this is a fairly good poem. The last stanza makes you feel for the guy in terms of whether he has sex or not. It is as though its all the woman's choice so you feel bad for the characters represented in this poem. It is short but it has a lot meaning and is literal. I think that the use of the word "cabinet" is very good but the first thing i thought of was government controlling her so that might be confusing because people might think that it is a poem about government control ...

Wow. I think that is hilarious. I would rather see you split the story into more paragraphs to give the reader a chance to breathe. The second line i think could be edited to "one Sunday morning, my mom was cooking lunch in the kitchen, my two year old brother, thought it his duty to help." i think you need to have the brother go back and forth for another time or two before you say it happens for a half an hour b/c otherwise it doesn't seem like it went on for a half an hour. I think the sto...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but there are a lot of things you need to edit. - There are a vast number of grammatical errors. "But one day, more children would come." "smelled of the animals, scurrying to find" you have a lot of places that need commas. Those are just two of many. - If Larkin has been changing form, how can the book be resting on him? it would have fallen off. maybe you meant resting before him. -"emotions of the wood and earth" it does not sound correct or believable....

interesting poem i must say. I think that you meant for the second line in the third stanza to read "men and women" not "mend and women." i like the idea of her being in this corner which kind of reminds me of those side windows by doors where there is a little lip that children are able to sit on. The "tear marked knee caps" is a powerful way to end the poem because it says so much. She's wishing for their attention but feels invisible to her parents and their friends. The imagery in the poe...

This was an interesting poem. I'm not quite sure where you were going with the ink running dry. That part is confusing. Why mention that it was an IKEA rug? Does that bare any significance? Where they telling you to write "very, very sorry" in the card? Im guessing that the ink ran dry before you could write that. I think that the last four lines in the poem are good and needed to offset the sad tone of the poem. I think that the "and the's" in the fourth stanza should go before the actions/e...

There is something very interesting about how the person acts like the tortoise in terms of love making. it is original but strange at the same time, however you did manage to pull it off well. It is a prime example of how we are much more like animals that we appear to be. I love the last two lines of the poem. It is a powerful image that should not go unnoticed. The way you word it is that you may have left your poem in with the tortoises and leads me to believe the character is a zookeeper...

Very Funny first off and very strange. I think that when the mother says "He's naked." The word "naked" should be capitalized, because otherwise it sounds more casual and not as big as a deal. The word "AND" in your response to your father's oddness should not be capitalized, it makes it awkward. Also i think that a transition of some sort is needed between the time that he runs from the lawnmower and the time that he gets on the phone. Its seems like "poof" and he's on the phone. How did he ...

From what i gather, this poem is about someone wasting time over soemthing precious that was lost. Not sure if "beautiful" would be word to describe sorrow, The title is catchy, but i don't know as though it quite fits with the nature of the poem. There also needs to be more breaks, granted it is a short poem, it seems as though they are a bunch of one-liners cluttered together. try making "lost in time" a separate line, then i would make the next two three lines a stanza "moons-washed out" "...

Definition says that a Haiku is a syllable type poem 5,7,5 and you have 5,6,5. The poem itself is very good and you have great word choice. The middle line sounds too proper and grammatically incorrect. If you take out the word "and" in the middle line, it will read better and more like the person is listing off things that they could do, in addition to it sounding less awkward. I would also place a comma after "Girl" because that way it will be more direct and have less of a feel like a run-...