For me, this piece started with wonderfully focused emotion but the ending was more of an emotional exploration than a focused message (which I expect from existentialism); which is fine. Poetry should be natural and organic, but the reworking process helps refine those rough edges. I think that's all this piece lacks is some re-writes. I think this was a first draft, but that's just a guess. It's mostly about existence except for: "All she really wanted was love, But instead it all became on...

I wish I could have read this poem before it was altered. As it stands I really liked the poem. I think the poem's rhythm is just fine, and your imagery is wonderfully executed. I think altering vocabulary around might further accent the imagery already there, but its impact is still very palpable. example: "We heard the words From a face, a head Black and purple-blue From a fall, a bleeding" words "face" and "fall" while they are part of a rhythm and well structure (almost illiterated) stanz...

This is a wonderful moment that I wish I could read more about, but it's just fine at its current size. I kept wondering if either of you were going to ask/mention the film that you were about to see, but it never came up; even in your ascension to Screen 13. Perhaps a question on his part, or mental "gasp" on yours might make this seem more real. Because the lack of this one element, in a movie theatre no less, hints at fabrication, instead of an actual experience, which only SLIGHTLY weaken...

I think you should have taken your time and really thought about this subject before typing it out. A lot of writers will say, "Write what you know" which is perposterous if you take it literally... if you've never been in a war, then how could you write about one. What this really means is "Know what you write". Basically, being inspired makes for a wonderful muse when scribing poetry (my favorite form of writing), but short stories and novels need a little more research. That's great that t...

This piece started off at a very good pace. The description of the vase and its placement are well delivered. Then the ending of the homeless child who can repair such an exquisite form of art and cares enough to return it... even as a metaphor asks a lot from your readers and deminishes the impact of the story. My recommendation is to take more time with the ending and give the Child some relation to the family; a background if you will. This will tie the life of the child with that of the v...

This piece can't decide what it is, nor what it wants to say. The idea to not rhyme, then rhyme can be a strong one but the way it's currently executed leaves the reader confused (more obscure than deep). Most lines of this poem suffer from some sort of writing convention (an over-used bit of wording), and though I don't think a writer can fully escape from such a fate, you can certainly help curb the desire to write in that vein. In truth you're dealing mostly with existentialism, not really...

This poem seems more geared towards a younger audience. Basically all three stanzas say the same thing... don't waste time. This is severely one-note and really doesn't explain anything about how time relates to human existence except that it never stops for us. "into tomorrow and then it is gone..." In truth, Time never goes anywhere, man does. Into tomorrow man will be gone, but not time. This piece lacks any significant insight into the thought of "making the most of one's existance" I wou...

Great work! The meter is very nice, I find that this rolls of the tongue (no pun intended) very smothly despite its short lines. The imagry is what you intend, seductively hot. The last stanza makes me wonder slightly, that perhaps your lover didn't "huff and puff" correctly which is why you're beligerent or malevolent; either that or post coital bliss is an annoying thing? That's really the only question: How was it?

Very straight forward. when reading this I seem to envision someone speaking as valadictorian at their high-school graduation. Its linear/forward nature doesn't detract from its poinent message. The only downside for me is the lack of language. When speaking of a parent/child relationship a wealth of words pour over me; how to describe the unearthly bond, sacrifice, patience, etc... However, what I read here is very simple, which means I've read this before: on a hallmark card or in a yearboo...

The lyrics are very generic with regards to love. I find that songs that have a narrative get their meaning across without it being so heavy handed. I believe in the sentiment in this piece but lines like: "Have to believe in what we know..." "Been there before say yes or no..." "So in love with you..." are the epitome of convention. I would say that most songs cannot be constructed without writing convention, (they need to be generic to touch a wider audience), but I believe that some of the...