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Nathaniel_Neelund's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Uniondale, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 17
LOC: Uniondale, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 17
Well let’s see, I’m a hopeless romantic who loves poetry….what are the odds? I like French poetry in particular and I love the arts in general. Thats all.
check out me and my bud’s other works here:
www.myspace.com/poe_and_plath
my poems are under the heading “Ryan”. Leave some love and support the hopeless romantics of the world!
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Version 1
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Time- like the sea seeping through the cocoa rocks- the steady hand who paints the maples black with death with the wet brush of cold wind. Time- who will douse the fires of our sun Time- the mighty god. To the lovers in their wombs, place your eyes carefully onto love - that tragedy cast upon some as a random winter, a beautiful season that numbs the blood and blots the sky, for that sweet lance of love will drive deep into the heart scathing the tender skin of the soul. and time- it’s voodo...
Version 1
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I wanted to make a paper ship made of nothing but my love so I take my heart, the flat sheet that beats in my hands, and I begin to fold and bend it like it always has in the hands of women. A slow, loving crease and a pinch or two feeling up from the edges to the corners and falling towards the quiet lines my fingers press and glide my thumb, the strong iron on the sheet. like lapping waves, the borders bend and bow to meet and still the paper beats. I set my paper ship on a quiet stream tha...
Version 2
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I will be near to see with you the brazen stars when they are dimming down to see with you with my tired eyes the sun, too, as it burns out into night. In every pure and bright orange dawn bringing the quiet hours that follow I'll be there- happy and loved in your bare shadow. A shadow that drapes my world. Ill be here when the sadness of men will seek you like the merciless rain where you'll run to my arms and I will be the shroud to hide your pride. But know this: I would be content to see ...
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Reviews
To start,i'm not a very big fan of rhyming poetry, but your song/poem actually works out better that way. Although the whole piece is rhymed, it is stylishly done with some great imagery. Your mentions of broken hearts mingled with alcohol kinda remind me of Charles Bukowski's poetry, but not a complete resemblance. This would make a pretty good song but I agree with you, it's better off as a poem. good read.
your opening is fairly strong and sets the tone for the rest of the poem and i especially like your repitition of that one line which puts special emphasis to your whole theme. the only complaint I feel is that the middle segment, although vividly written, kinda slows down the flow of the piece due to those three rhetorical questions. The segment is nice, but It could benefit from a little rewriting. this poem does have great potential.
wow this is some amazing and vivid imagery here . If there was a poem to describe summer, this would be it. I'll be honest, at first i was very close to refreshing the page and skipping on to the next poem but your words simply caught my attention and from then, I was hooked til the end. well written and very colorful, almost like taking that little vacation with you. what's good about your poem is that there's no fluff here. every word and phrase used was used for good reason. with all since...
i'm not sure about this. mental health issues have always been around, not just in today's degrading society
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