NightRainbow's profile

The concept and feeling in this piece is wonderful. It might read smoother if there was less use of the word "they". Try varying this, using Moon Children more or finding another descriptive substitute. It would also leave the reader more satisfied if there was more indication as to who or what the Moon Children are--lightning bugs, other-worldly beings, moths? It isn't quite clear. I believe this story has immense potential with just a bit of tweaking.

I can see this in a book of inspirational poetry. The rhyme and rhythm is well done.

The rhythm of this, if it is meant for a song, could use some tweaking. The best way to hear the rhythm is to read it out loud. As for the content and interest-producing aspect, you did a wonderful job!

This would definitely capture the potential audience. It speaks of depth and feeling.

This could be an interesting tale. I think it captures the imagination enough to want to find out more.