Nosnibor's profile

Some nice images here - the bloody sun stands out in particular, and some well-chosen poetic words (luminosity is great) - but for me the overall concept is a little cliche. That said, it's well executed and is reminiscent of traditional / renaissance poetry.

A really touching piece, and the small details - both the recollections and the initial setting of time, place, etc. - render it particularly vivid. I'm not sure if all of the lines being so short really worked for me, as they interrupt the flow a little too much. However, the 'tell them' repetitions and the way the last two sets of 7-8 lines echo one another is nicely done and brings the poem to a neat conclusion without being contrived.

As a six-word sentence, I think it's good. As a memoir, I'm not so sure. But I do like it, because it makes me want to read more, and I guess you'd call that a success.

I'm quite releived you didn't pitch this as a 6-word memoir... but as a six word 'story' I rather like it. I suppose it's more of a pithy motto or somesuch, and as such it works well, because yes, I suppose it's true. Nice work.