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Nyki's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Oconomowoc, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 08
LOC: Oconomowoc, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 08
Most of what is here is fiction. It is all true fiction. Not because it actually happened in the world, but because it actually happened somewhere. Or maybe it should have happened this way, but it didnt. Had it happened, things might have ended differently. Maybe better, or maybe worse. Either way, the important thing to remember is that I feel no obligation to stick to the facts. I am only concerned with what really happened, to me. This is what happens when you’ve lost your map.
“To I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes” – “Uncle” Walt.
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Version 1
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Chapter Two “A little green bud appeared between the cracks in the sidewalk. It pushed the cement on each side just enough to slip through and thrive. ”That’s a good thing,” she smiled, “It is just like people, we can survive any turmoil in life and still find room to grow.” But then she contradicted herself, “ It was a bad thing. It means even the toughest substances we have cannot detour the nature of life. Humanity is only a temporary obstacle the earth is fighting to overcome.” “My leg, m...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Chapter One “Sometimes she wished she could quarter herself up into pieces and return each piece to its respective corner of the world. The only problem was that while each nation would receive a limb, only one would get her heart” “Lulu! Hand me a clothes pin”, Jo muffled jerking her head towards the bag that hung far down the line, while a damp pillowcase hung limply from her teeth. Lulu looked at her mom, contemplated for a moment then quickly dismissed any thoughts of helping and instead,...
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Reviews
Wow, what an introspective way to start a novel. It was well written and uses an amazing volcabulary... almost to the point of overwhelming. On the realistic side it is hard to rarionalize someone who in their hallucinations and delusions is so far removed... yet at this time she remembers it all fluidly, if not lucid. Enough to map together this estrangement. It draws hard on the imagination to read it and give her account credibility. But then again she may not be a credible character... I ...
I looked over the punctuation per your request, but everything seemed to be alright for the most part... there were a few literary catches I was concerned about though... but if they aren't what you are interested in disregard. In the beginning there was a lot of cliche use: 1. “She’s sleepin’ like a kitten in a hayloft.” 2. “Why in blue blazes 3. Joe’s place, for a spell Cliche's are fine in small doses but these were all within five sentences of each other, it isn't just about bad form when...
Everything looks good so far, the dialog moves the story along quickly; however, I noticed that both of the characters have the same tone and personality through their voice... that may be something you want to develop with the characters and give them a little bit more of an individual voice. There were a couple grammar and punctuation errors I noticed: ‘Two issues, sir. One, we’ve had a perimeter alert in Sector F, causing an outage—’ In the event of a list or sequence of items following a ...
It sounds good so far, the flow is alright for the most part. It is a little choppy, but if you are shooting for a style that moves with your character's personality then I think you're on the right track. I would worry about the redundancy of your sentence structure in the beginning... it leads to the monotony in the tone of the paragraphs. Keep up the good work, with a few slight changes I think you will definitely have a great product.
Wow, those are some scary times. Glad you came through it okay and able to write bout it all. Like so many others I have never had to experience the risk of losing house, life, and loved ones to a natural disaster. Moreover, the only experience I have ever had with a fire was driving along the outskirts of Utah, and the sky was armageddon. I couldnt imagine that racing towards my life as a know it. Brave one you are.
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