October_Rain's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Cordova, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 04
LOC: Cordova, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 04
My name is John and I like waterfalls.
I prefer to write small, simple poems that explore larger, more intelligent themes. Similar to the poetry of William Carlos Williams, yet maybe more involved.
My stories are usually marked by high detail on seemingly unimportant things. However, my stories are simply groupings of perspectives and observations that create a final, complex, or conflicted revelation.
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
I love the sound of glass soda bottles clinking together in a brown paper bag. I love the touch of cold water against the back of my hot red skin. I love the sight of my reflection in the light blue eye of a beautiful woman. I love the taste of fresh strawberries picked with my hands in my garden. I love the smell of warm stew cooking after playing in the cold wet snow. I love the joys of living in a flawed but perfect w...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
I put myself in another's place yesterday. I saw many things that I did not wish to see. I do not think that I will do that again. It was too unpleasant.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Writing this, I realize that It will be revised, ripped, rewritten, stressed over, cursed at, incinerated, mocked, thrown away, laughed at, stabbed, talked to, and serve as a continual source of frusturation-- All in just one day. And yet perfect anyway.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Mommy! There’s a monster! Come quick! I know it’s here! I can feel it’s evil presence. I can feel it drawing near. And though I may not see it crawling, oozing on the floor. I insist that it must be there for I’ve heard it’s vile roar. I can smell it’s putrid odor, for it lingers in the air. Mommy! There’s a monster! Mommy? Are you there?
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Carl! Don’t do that! Don’t touch that! Don’t play with that! Don’t say that! Carl! Get a job! Get a car! Get a girl! Get a life! Carl! Stop swearing! Stop smoking! Stop drinking! Stop whining! Carl! Don’t jump!
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Reviews
It's way too simple and singsongy. This is like something I'd find on a hallmark card. I'm sure the coworker enjoyed it and it's nice to give people poems but in terms of greatness this poem is not very good.
yep. she just wouldn't let go. I have to admit I don't like your style. Too much corny detail and not enough on subject. This flits back and forth sporadically and I just don't like it. My suggestions: stick more to the topic of your story, you don't need to write these cheesy cliches: she stood hunched over as if a great weight was pressing against her back. You may not agree with me but take my advice because your audience may get bored and stop reading.
I know you're going to refund this but I have to say it. This poem is perfect to me. I love the rhythm, the beat, the diction, the message, everything. I can't tell what you fix because I don't see anything that needs fixing. Keep writing please.
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