Olowan's profile

Better to keep silent and let people think you a fool, than to speak and prove it? Bo is popular because he is silent. Until he reveals himself, he will be whatever they want to imagine, hence the popularity. This is an interesting and evocative piece. I have only two issues. 1) If he is silent, how does the narrator know he is complex? 2) The last line should read "in spite of" his popularity. Regretfully, I could not rate highly as a short story overall because it has no plot, beginning, or...

There are no "reviewer's notes" so I am not certain what you wish to gain from this critique. I have a suggestion I would like to explore with you - this would be interesting if told from the point of view of the mirror; as if the image sees the original image as perfect. What do you feel about that? The irony would be that they both see the same image. Having said that, this is an evocative piece as it is. It would be interesting to know what the girl finds so dissatisfying about herself. Un...

You have a delightfully unique and original style. I have only that knowledge of grammar not forgotten in the last 20 years so only offer the following as matters for consideration, not as rule: Should not there be a comma after 'envelopes', and later after 'downloads' I was taught there should be a comma when listing, even before the and that separates the last item. If this is not a common rule, please disregard. 'insight of his' works as well without 'of his' 'no mousse left to hide inside...

You are the victim of a new Urbis member. I hope my honesty is not offensive. It is not intended. Opening with a clear visual image is strong. Be careful of too many prepositional phrases in a row - it seems strained or forced. There is much of this pattern throughout the Work. I do not understand the reference to "twenty Pillars." "Had he had his love" also falls awkwardly off the tongue. I have difficulty with "contemplated silently" and "while tapping his thumb." These seems to contradict ...

I cannot convey how thoroughly I enjoyed the first stanza, though probably not for the reasons you intended. It flowed easily, presented simple, clear images, and was well above average in the evocative department. The second stanza moved more slowly for me, though I believe in the end I understood and appreciated the message of the piece. This may be because my personal experiences gave me a different perspective than that which you intended with the first stanza, and I had to reread the sec...