Cheers indeed, old man. Thank you for the opportunity to read the beginning of your tale. I see that you have tweaked this a little from the first submission I read a short time ago. The mechanics of your writing is still good. The atmosphere you have set is also good. All the elements are still in place. Yep. A proper setting for a mysterious piece. You should continue on. However, there are a few things that could still be better done. For instance, you wrote "...tiny tear in...seat cover.....

I'll be damned, but this is good. You have linked artist with paint to artist with word---you. At first I was going to say you used to many non-action words, but as I read, I saw you did not; at least in my opinion. Most folk do not usually like blatantly negative stuff, but the way you wrote this, makes negative work. In fact, I do not think this is negative at all, but a statement of fact. I once wrote a very short poem on the theme you used in this piece. I wanted my son-in-law, the artist...

Okay. Let's get write to it since you do not want to hear anything about going to work building roads or some such. First off, I cannot judge the English since some of it is dialect, and it is not American English. However, your tale seems to be well written with little or no grammar errors. This is the only installment I have read so I may be wrong, but this story seems to be for a young audience. If so, the story line is okay, but it is too much of a cliché for older folk. Onward. When Rich...

You, gentle writer, are a master craftsman. The words you choose, and the phrases you use, prove, that. You are correct about the Bambi/Poppins observations. But I think most readers find these types of stories uninteresting. From the popular fiction I have read, most readers seem to gravitate toward misery and downright depression in their choose of reading material. That way they can cheer when the protagonist even hints at making headway against the odds. This seems to be what you have her...

Okay, Brian. I find this well written. You set the mood very well. If you want to write erotica, you have to consider your reader. Is the reader going to be a woman or a man? If a woman, then longish and hazy descriptions is a must. It is like foreplay. You have to be smooth and move slowly; nothing overt, at least not at the start. You also have to consider the age of your intended woman reader. Is the story going to be the type that Aunt Tilly will read and blush a little (titillate), borin...

Thank you for letting me read your most interesting piece. I was rollicking along like a happy drunk reading your tale until I came to the part that sobered me up faster than my wife can when she orders me to do the dishes. Now, I must rest before I go feed my flock of chickens, four dogs, and...23 cats.

First let me say I am a beginning writer. Therefore, please take what I say with a grain of salt. That said, you paint a nice picture. Your use of words in describing what you see and think are very well done. This leads me to a puzzle. I do not understand how you formatted your piece. In many places there is just one sentence to a line; something like poetry. Does this mean you have some sort of subtle meaning, like poetry does? If so, does this explain some of your sentences that are not co...

A very shocking creepy horrific humorous romance. Romance? Sure. You say you are making love and talking happy sappy stuff. Humorous? I see the irony of your last sentences. Horrific? Of course. This is a very scary yarn you have here. Creepy? I can see the crawly little beasties surrounding you as you love your dear one. Shocking? You bet. I thought I was going to read some sort of Harlequin romance, but no. You had to shock me out of my socks with the opening of your second paragraph. Well ...

The first sentence of your story reached right out and grabbed me by the shirt and said, "Read this and enjoy." And since I have a tendency to do what I am told when I am grabbed, I read. I liked the way you used the little drummer boy theme throughout your piece, modifying it while doing so. You put the whole thing together nicely. Well done. However, there are a few things that seem to me you should redo. However, you are the writer and know what you want better than I do. Therefore, you ar...

Yeah. I know where you are coming from. When I was in the Air Force, I started by owning a motorbike that could do about MPH. Next, I got a real motorcycle. After I got out of the Air Force, I bought a German bike; could not perform with the new Hondas, even after I highly modified it. So, I got the latest machine to hit the road at the time; the Yamaha Big Bear Scrambler. I would quick-disconnect the headlight off, and take the baffles out of the exhaust pipes, then compete in local hill cli...