Opaquity's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Dallas, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
LOC: Dallas, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 18
I’ve lost it.
I’m sorry.
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Because... Because our kids would be beauiful. Because he has a great nose. Because I never have to settle for him. Because he made me confident. because he gave me my fighting spirit. Because I made him a better person. Because I'm everything he needs. because I'm just about nothing he wants. Because I can make him happy. Because I've never really been angry or upset with him. Because he can always make me smile. Because he used to hate me. Because I used to hate him, too. Becaus...
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I love the rain, don’t you? It was splattered on the classroom window And had turned the concrete outside dark And had grayed out the sky And made my eyes match it. He loves the rain, too, he replied. The way everything seemed quieter Inside a building, or even under the drops Everything was calmer – Everything but the sense of anticipation. I knew all of this, too. I could feel the warmth of it In the same place where happiness bloomed But further down, too. I love the rain, do...
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You've shaken the ground I'm standing on It's all topsy turvy now I'm trying to find my balance, but my footing is falling through I don't know what you want from me? Can I come to you? You're a finger's length away, but you seem to be standing straight. I'm so confused now. Yesterday it was clear. Now you've said the things I wanted to hear and I don't know what you want. I don't know what to say. I giggle and agree and say I feel the same but you excuse yourself from reality, by saying you...
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We are what we are. Friends, right? That's all. Laugher and blushes and philosophical discussion. We're so typical of our trade, right? We're artists in every way. And we are just what we are. Artists, right? That's all. Beauty and brushes and aesthetic discussion. We're so typical of our title, right? We're innocent in every way. And we are just what we are. Children, right? That's all. Crayons and crushes and first-formed discussion. We're so typical of our styles, right? We're generic in e...
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With our hands clenched and our teeth bared, our shoulder braced for impact. We slid through the mist of the mind, and cloaked ourselves in hatred. Immortal together we'd be. Forever together, we'll see. When enough wasn't enough anymore, and truth was all a lie, I watched you in my own fog, and told you it was time. We'd be enough for enough. And follow the trail to the tip. But where the concrete ends is vital, be careful not to trip. I'd follow you forever, if you would light that way. Bu...
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Reviews
Lover and child? Is it one or different people? It's very... quick and vague. This does cause a pause in my thinking, but it's fine. Particularity wouldn't really suit something this ghost-like. I find myself wanting more description... nevertheless, good all around.
One niggle: "I must first kill my old self..." Makes it sound as if your "old self" is already dead... but I understand the problem this can cause, because if you said, "kill myself" it would reinstate the physical reminder of suicide, and that's not the cause at all... I can't say for sure that it would be regained in the philosophical way of thinking further on, but it does seem to be the best option. That it. Good overall. I like it.
You have talent worth shaping but you may not be reviewed by all readers because of the subject matter. The image this pulls is rather morbid. I think visually, and I saw letters and words being born in the many ways more organic creatures are born... if I had the patience I would paint it. The piece struggles in the beginning, I think, but redeems itself highly throughout the rest of it, so that doesn't matter. The ending it superb. Change nothing. (except maybe adding a spot more syntax?)
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