OresteseViera's profile

Overall, this does give Morgause a definite edge of intelligence and conniving in a way, but she does it to survive. I found no errors in this story except when you spelled snake tale, which is supposed to be snake tail. I especially like how you didn't go into detailed detail of the bedroom scene. It definitely was a relief to not read stories resembling porn. In the end of this, I hope there's more to read because I want to read more. What you have developed is a perfect description, perhap...

settling in the sky, but was masked by / but isn't necessary because the second half of the sentence modifies the first without major contradiction or strong thought. But she just couldn't stop. Her life was at stake. / But shouldn't start a sentence, but if that's what you do then that's cool. However, It isn't necessary here either. These two short sentences can be combined into one effective sentence. Last sentence of paragraph two starts with but. Erase it. Not needed. It sounds so much b...

This has a very carefree feel about it that I like. Its not often you see something so innocent and cute with poetry, and this is one of those rare times. I can picture this woman/lady doing exactly as the poem says, and I can tell that this person is happy. Extremely happy if they outshine the sun. There is one little thing that I think would liven up this poem, and that would be adding periods, commas, and exclamation points. Especially an exclamation point at the end of line four.

My overall impression of this song is obviously sadness, mourning, and the cause is probably cheating. Am I right? Your lyrics are thoughtful, and spell out how you feel. And now I’m paying for it each damn day. / every would be a better choice. And now I'm paying for it every damn day. See how it emphasizes your loss? The sun and heat of my world was you. / for some reason this line sounds out of place even though it could fit in. Your ending is nice and tidy. Altogether could make a good so...

When I read this, I could see the trapped soul trying to escape the prison of depression. If that was your intention, congrats. Also, your choice of words is rich and sets you apart from other poets. However, there are a few things that could make this better. The first is that two lines in the poem that have so as the first word sound windy. If you erase so from both, it gets the point across directly and sounds better. The second is how you start with noticing the face and then going into d...