OweFiresRight's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 05
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 05
Hi, I am 32 years old and have only been writing for a little over a year, I am seeking honest, reviews of my work, in terms of learning better this craft in which I am in now in love with.
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I grumble between loads Rereading paperbacks faded by my constant thumb I feel the reassurance, the metallic hum --of rinse cycle, of tumble dry Staring between the lines, discovering “West of Eden” Wondering if Harrison ever got laid? My ears burn for the sound, melodic, a hasty causeway to souls Tunneling towards Tong-Du –Chong, to surprise a sleeping enemy Of starch and double knit, beyond the hopes of now faded blues And red-hued whites, a shrinking in my midst, and I fold onward Sitting ...
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Over the sea foam tops Waves surface unintentionally Falling to the world, with the sound of thunder upon the silence of the world. Rose-hued Scallops, tumble along the rise Dancing for un-timed moments, in water clear Endless following the whispers, of beaten paths. The one legged gull, Floats alabaster with the wind Silent strider of gossamer sun streaks, With the promise to only witness the world. Sand fills planted feet, Toes dancing among the sand-crabs, pray tell, Burrowing for solace c...
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I follow the footsteps set into place long ago , by the ghost of you In which I play the host sending out invitations to the heart, beating to one For you , for me. A risk seeing the future, again to call the adepts of Delphi, asking the constant For what might-have-been…. In a sad never-was tribute to the kings of loss and the followers of Rubican
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~the bright red conclusion escapes me, to fosters images of cold imagination, and yet to see you , smile December white frees collapsible memories, expanding under amber waves of trapped in red Reminding of pheasants meandering along the roadside (soot sparing the plumage of riverine greens and hot-scotch blues) And frozen ground , bare of its hay, and alfalfa, grey and aware. Fermenting the bitterness, as images reflect towards me along the passenger side. Digesting hard facts, evoking the t...
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If life was any easier , war crimes would be a game show
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Reviews
seems fragmentary, where is the form at, its like reading blocks of thought, and some of the spelling is off, I liked where I thought you were going however. Keep it up.
punctuation is iff, all through space between each -other cocentric? is this suppose to be concentric? stoney- stony all and all I was a little lost in the direction this peice was going, the flow was nice however and I think if you cleaned it up this could be golden.
Whew this was a lot to read...I liked it but I feel that it is a little too slow, like it is stuck in an idenity crisis between Eddings and Herbert. I think that if you perhaps shorten some of the paragraphs , maybe break them up a little that you wuld keep the reader ..interested. here are some grammer and punctuation stuff I caught. "Invention, who of the sisters three possessed most the creative spirit of their father, was also the most delicate. " Invention, which of the sisters "-- -Curi...
I liked this , and as I read it I felt likt it was a journal entry and I could feel the agnst and the desperation, however, if it is suppose to read like a journal entry, would it not be a good Idea to not use , first person motifs? Like I and me, maybe some they's or them , place the description as a first person account, as someone writing to a "friend" and that friend or confidant being a journal . Still I liked the story. and if you rewrite or accept my review then I will gladly read it a...
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This reads like a Diane DiPrima poem, I love the language , the smacking voice of understatment . I had a little trouble with the last stanza's they seemd hurried and out of place. Maybe some further clarity would work there.
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