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Panda_Priest's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: South Africa
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 27
LOC: South Africa
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 27
I’m a new writer…
I’m finding my feet
Items
Version 1
30 Reviews
2 Comments
Pen, CHECK! Paper, CHECK! writer's block
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Opportunities
Version 1
37 Reviews
3 Comments
Chicken first? Egg first? Evidence eaten
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Opportunities
Version 5
16 Reviews
17 Comments
Muting innocence Violating trust Trust in all, trust in me, trust in you Culminating in an imrisoned soul True perversion Deserving Hell Hell on Earth, Hell in life, Hell in death Justice in the unforgiving abyss Raging malice Desiring revenge REVENGE for them, revenge for THEM, for goodness sake Dealt to those who wrongly crossed the line Why the pain? Why the blood? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust Why the tears? Why the deed? A chained-up life that can't be freed again Muting innocence Violati...
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Version 4
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Muting innocence Violating trust Trust in all, trust in me, trust in you Culminating in an imrisoned soul True perversion Deserving Hell Hell on Earth, Hell in life, Hell in death Justice in the unforgiving abyss Raging malice Desiring revenge REVENGE for them, revenge for THEM, for goodness sake Dealt to those who wrongly crossed the line Why the pain? Why the blood? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust Why the tears? Why the deed? A chained-up life that can't be freed again Muting innocence Violati...
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Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Muting innocence Violating trust Trust in all, trust in me, trust in you Culminating in an imrisoned soul True perversion Deserving Hell Hell on Earth, Hell in life, Hell in death Justice in the unforgiving abyss Raging malice Desiring revenge REVENGE for them, revenge for THEM, for goodness sake Dealt to those who wrongly crossed the line Hopeless hope Asking why Why the pain? Why the tears? Why the deed? Never returning from a loveless dream Why the pain? Why the blood? Ashes to ashes, dust...
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Reviews
I'm still pondering on how the title relates to your life experience that you portray in your poem, it seems a little esoteric. Don't get me wrong...that's not a bad thing. I'm still making the link in my head is all. I love the way that your poem has ebb and flow in the way that you've structured the format, like gentle waves on a lake or sea. The continued cigarette reference is also a refreshing aspect worth mentioning. I like the way you relate how you felt to the specific cigarette. It g...
This feels almost stoic. Your 6-er conveys a message of apathy. Was this your intention?
An interesting outlook on these common insects. Well done. The language is colourful and descriptive. Well done. The only problem that I can see is the amount of punctuation that still needs to be added. eg. "All day long they ran to and fro to make meaning out of existence" needs commas before "to" and after "fro". This makes it clearer what is happening in the sentence. I don't have to break the flow and read the sentence twice.
:) I like it.. Is this an accurate description of you?
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I like the turnaround of Kristen's attitude. It seems almost unreal at how quickly she changes her mind, but i reckon that is quite believable. Her mind must be racing at a million miles an hour. A good outpouring of her heart, history and fears Thanks for the read
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