Patience_is_a_virtue's profile

AGE: 20
LOC: San Diego, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 08

College in San Diego. Psychology major. Write poetry to express thoughts and cure pain.

I have an amazing best friend. Love. Basketball. Family. Friends. This is what defines me.

I aspire to be a lyricist someday. Even if just one song is used… it’s my dream.

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Version 3

1 Review 0 Comments

Here I am and there you are. I can't understand why we're so far apart. here i am and there you are. it began when your soul quickly captured my heart. down the road i ought to know by now following the same routine that is somehow now failing laughter fades oh i try to fight it it invades and i can't hide it i'm left with emptiness. your smile invaded my whole being pumped feeling through my empty veins. indecision (courses) through me you took everything i need and just left me-- what's lef...

Lyrics - Overall

Version 4

0 Reviews 0 Comments

Oh, I’ve found the key to this euphoria. So, what i strive to see is the reality of the dream that is you and me. (musical intro-lude) I am not ashamed, relatives are to blame for the silence. I do not care, but blood won’t let me share my heart’s truth. I should say, but i dont dare-- dare to defy-- closed minds and blind eyes. Closed to the idea of change blind to the beauty. It’s only a secret if we can keep it, keep it quiet. (Hush hush, we gotta be quiet) How much longer must i deny it? ...

Poetry - Overall

Lyrics - Overall

Version 2

0 Reviews 0 Comments

Lyrics - Overall

Version 1

0 Reviews 0 Comments

Lyrics - Overall

Version 2

0 Reviews 0 Comments

Let's spend an eternity Redefining love let's get to know each other each and every curve You make life worth living. Despite all i take you are always giving: Giving me hope, a reason to smile; giving me faith to walk down the aisle. When it comes to you i questioned my worth. All that you are is more than i deserve. Well that was before because you've made me see more (in myself) than i ever knew to be. through your trust and guidance you've made me want more-- (than ever before) to be bett...

Poetry - Overall

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Reviews

by Corruptedstatic

it's a very subtle yet powerful piece. the wording is not overly strong or dramatic, but that seems to be advantageous for this piece. it seems to me to be nonchalant wording for a dramatic and intense topic. this, to me, is effective in conveying the proper emotions. good job.

by jebozid

i loved this piece. the ending leaves me wanting a little more. i actually think this could easily work as an effective quick-witted spunky little song. the wording is fun and intriguing. very good job overall. hope to hear more. consider lyric writing.

by madiedoll

the second to last stanza, to me, seemed out of place and slightly irrelevant. i appreciated the piece as a whole but am not sure how well it flows as a poetic piece. it almost reads better as more of a rythmic and sensual story. the third to last stanza reads as a run on sentence, so in that respect, more punctuation is necessary. some of the repetition of the word "first" is necessary, but still feels slightly over-used. maybe it could be substituted for a different word at times. overall, ...

by Corruptedstatic

i really loved the first four lines of your chorus. i was definitely curious as to what genre of music you intend to set this to. the only thing... the stanza starting with "you grew and grew" didn't quite make sense to me, specifically the third line. I'd definitely hope to hear more on your intentions for the meaning and reasoning for the specific wording. good luck until then.

by CharlesB

i loved this piece overall. i thought the ambiguity of certain words definitely worked. i think the fifth stanza was easily my favorite. the only issue, i think the second stanza could be worded to read a little more smoothly. but overall, this is really well written. good job!

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