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Paulettea's profile
AGE:
52
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 12
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 12
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Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
There's a note lying on the table, It says she's gone for good, I should have guessed it would come to this, Foolishly I hoped she'd stay instead. It screams of failure, silence lives in the house, Tears wept in secret blot the note that lies still on the table. Chorus: A note lies on the table, Speaks about the war, How hard it was to talk, The pain of the closed door, Signed... I hoped for more. She wanted more I wanted less, In her angry tone she told 'U've got a character flaw', I replied...
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Version 2
3 Reviews
0 Comments
MY TRUEST FRIEND, Sleep adorns his torso, Lying beside him he's oblivious. Touch elastic skin, Stroke black desending hair, Raining, passionate kiss upon dormant body, Sacred gift of love is mine. Death I fear, Thief of love, Least you strike, Take my truest friend, Make life barren, fragile, lonely, Wrenching out my heart. Love in all your majesty, Is released when two hearts entwine as one, Such is the mystery.
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Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
have a brother he plays the keyboard in a band, Ronnie is his name, He's my brother, Like no other. He wears his hair braided, I watch while his friends jeer, Call him Crazy. I cringe inside as he's my brother, He wilts quicker than others. They say Ronnies sissy, Call him crazy, a girl, Tell him how pretty he looks with his braided curls. I get mad , yell, hit, tell them, Hes my brother he's ain't no sissy, not a girl, Don't you know he's Ronnie, My brother like no other. They whisper behin...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
TERRORISM Seducing, compelling, emotive,fluctuating, flowing, laced with cocktail of hypocrisy. Oracles of patriotism passionately spouted. Flags adorning tables, roofs of buildings cars, veranda's of homes, A nation encompassed in patriotism, God Bless America. Grief a waterfall, Loss an infinity of stars, Anger tidal waves , beating of breasts, Cries for justice for the loss, pain, being kicked in the gut. Pride nests upon the shelf like dust, Rears her head hissing, Who do they think they...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
MY TRUEST FRIEND, Sleep adorns his torso, Lying beside him he's oblivious. Touch elastic skin, Stroke black desending hair, Raining, passionate kiss upon dormant body, Sacred gift of love is mine. Death I fear, Thief of love, Least you strike, Take my truest friend, Make life barren, fragile, lonely, Wrenching out my heart. Love in all your majesty, Is released when two hearts entwine as one, Such is the mystery.
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Reviews
Firstly punctuation is important as it makes sense and helps when one is reading it and reading aloud. The first four lines need some. The format or structure of the poem makes reading it difficult it appears muddly. I like the last line its ryhme, though the rest of the poem has inconsistancy of metre .
snoring on a wine bottle pillow, lucid hiccups in time with chronic flatulence. This is a sample of the great imagery used in this story it creates pictures in the readers mind, it produces the scene and atmosphere. I had to read this a couple of times to make sure I understood firstly the story hence I think it needs to be more clear not so clear that it loses its mystery and excitement but enough for the reader to understand and want to keep reading. The story was excellent and a good write...
!.Some of the words used in the lines dont make sense or wrong use of words. E.g. now its your turn to go... and lost the shit the word should be lose. 2. Some of the grammar like use of capitals after comma's e.g. "I lost my shit last week... and I let you know. now its your turn to go, the now should should be Now. Also use of question marks in the line, and will you do the same?, will you end our tired old game, No and needed can start with Will you do the same, will you end our tired old ...
Hi! Firstly I think the subject matter you've written on is great and the perspective you bring is terrific also. There are some wonderful, powerful, imagery throughout the poem, my favourite lines showing this are in the verse one, 'bendito como Veronica's rags stained with Christs image. I think this poem would be easier to read, and more effective if there were more comma's, and perhaps different structure or adding is perhaps a better way of saying it. I was always too busy looking at the...
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