PenDream's profile

PenDream avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 13

I am a 23 year old professional working in the city. I have been writing since I was 7 years old. Poetry was an excellent outlet in my adolescence and while I still love writing & presenting it I am currently working on a novel. Even if it isn’t published, finishing it would be a huge accomplishment!

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Novel Treatments / Like Steel Ch 2
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Wednesday morning with my mother is the same as almost every morning during the school year. When she notices that my alarm clock doesn’t go off she decides enough is enough. “You’re not skipping school today, Marie. Get out of bed.” “Oh yeah? No, I think I’d rather sleep.” This would be a typical morning battle if school had not ended, but she doesn’t seem to realize that. I decide to keep that secret to myself and see if she catches on. “Don’t talk to me that way, I’m sick of this. You didn...
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Poetry / Beside Me
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
I'm left to make sense... ...of the pieces... of what is left of those who stood beside me What they meant What we did I can't shake their songs from my head What we did I'm left to think. What an interesting torture I want to laugh, just go mad What we meant What we did I can't shake those days from my head What we did I'm left to make sense... ...of the void... that is left where they once stood beside me
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Novel Treatments / Like Steel
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter One “God?” Rob lets out a long sigh that he’s been holding in since I asked him the question. I watch the steady stream of smoke disperse into the air and the cigarette bounce on the end of his lips as he speaks. “Yeah, I guess I believe in him…well, I believe in something.” New, long delicate whiskers are scattered unevenly about his chin, like thin spider legs poking out from his skin. He has a long way to go before it will resemble a beard. We sit side by side and look down over t...
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Poetry / Haiku
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Song of my body Lyrics written by your lips I need nothing now
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Lyrics / Animal
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
verse 1 Don't bother with the headlights Don't bother with the road Don't bother with the signs, in time you can do this on your own Don't bother with the breakdowns when feelings come on strong Do not try to understand why you'll never belong Chorus: I know it's wrong but I gotta fly You can't come babe don't even try there's nothing I want to change I will always be this strange you're hoping for a miracle but I am my own animal Verse 2 Don't believe the movies there is no happy ending if y...
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Reviews
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I think you are a great writer with a strong style and you use an appropriate vocabulary for your intended audience. I like the way you worked the description and the history of the town in with the dialogue to break it up. But why is Emily so mean? Actually it's quite funny but I can't help but feel bad for poor, spineless Howie! Is she supposed to come across so spoiled? I liked very much the setting of the town and the way you described everything being so colorful. I can definitely see th...
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I love this sentence: "Steam rises from the manholes in the street, smoke signals from Hades." You provide phenominal description, your words force the reader to slow down and pay attention to your work. The only thing I had a problem with is the way you jump around. Is it supposed to be this hard to follow at first? By the end of your submission I'm still waiting for the woman by the fire to be mentioned again (love the image of the burning rocking horse) and what ever happened to the man wa...
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This is very intelligently and poetically written. Although there are no real descriptions of the characters, the way the characters look isn't important. I like this experiment, as you called it, because it's smart and patterned. The only thing I would like to understand more is what you are trying to get the reader to think about. Is it simply the way these kids live in NY and find ways to pass the time? Is it the relationship they have with each other including the inventive nick names? Ar...
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Your style is great, the story moves smoothly. I like the way you build suspense and handle description. The only suggestion I can make is work on the dialogue. The words themselves are good but it's confusing at times to tell who is speaking. Particulary in the paragraph that begins "Jack laughed" because I thought he was speaking in the previous paragraph. Also I thought this sentence was awkward: "Arriving an hour early, I mapped out an escape route, as well as watched for Jack’s thugs." I...
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