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Phantom's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Danville, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 28
LOC: Danville, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 28
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Items
Version 2
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Trey idly kicked at the road under his feet. The capitol of Armalia, Asandra, was a bustling, beautiful city in the heart of the kingdom, especially in the early morning. It was there that the King and his court lived in splendor, away from the trials of the rest of the world. The King was practically never seen except on feast days, and even then he was only out for moments before hiding away again. All the wealthy and prominent lived in Asandra, leaving the once great port city of Paragonia...
Version 1
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“Look what we found men, a rebel!” a burly soldier laughed. The soldiers all around him laughed as well at the fellow they had just captured. He was tall and handsome with dark hair and sharp grey eyes. It was a nice mid-afternoon in a forest of the Kingdom of Armalia. It was a perfect day for riding, fishing, working out in the fields, or in Vayle Audon’s case, getting captured. Vayle glared at all the men standing around him. He wished he hadn’t lost his sword when they grabbed him, but it ...
Version 3
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Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance, hinting at the coming rain. A cool breeze blew through the night into the grand palace grounds, rustling the leaves on the trees and bushes lining the courtyard pathway that led to the main gates of the palace. A fleeting figure hesitated in a window overlooking the courtyard before setting off again at a determined pace. It was essential that she escaped. She was the only person who could tell the world of the coming doom that was about to befall th...
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Reviews
It's an interesting start to something. I liked it. It kept my attention the whole time, I was just disapointed that it wasn't longer! Hopefully you'll keep adding on to this. Nice job.
The beginning is good, it drawed me in. A little grammatical thing: She had to admit the wall-hangings were exquisite, with *there* deep reds, blues, and greens. As I'm sure you can tell, the wrong 'their.' “If Mikell hadn’t been looking after me, I’d be dead right now. I know our feelings don’t make sense considering the short amount of time we’ve known each other, but I know that he loves me and would never let anything happen to me. “The only reason Mikell was in here was to protect me. No...
I liked the beginning and how it pulled me into it. It was discriptive and I had no problem visulizing everything mentioned. I liked it!
This was a nice peace and had an interesting feel to it. It flowed well and everything looked grammatically correct to me. (But who am I to say, I hate grammar... :)) It caught my attention well, too.
This is an awesome poem. The imagery is great, I can visulize everything mentioned. I especially liked the "as the morning sky awakens a pink tinge swipes the sky." That line is very vivid and easy for me to see. This is a great piece!
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