Plain_Jane's profile

pg.1 already a better clue into ranks thoughts about his son when he refers to him as an "overly sensitive girlie son" I really enjoy how you sum up your characters through their internal dialog pg.2 you are really hitting home talking about the financial situations, especially now that our economy is in the toilet again. I think it will draw in the readers with a sense commonality. Pg.3 I think It should say "she humphed rolling her eyes." instead of rolled. Just sounds better to me & Aligat...

I absolutely loved this piece. You explain each feeling with such honest rawness. "it’s as though Anger and Pressure had intercourse and their evil child Depression lives inside me" Brilliant line. The only thing I found odd was that you categorized is as a short story.

"The flame whispers to the breathing breeze coming through an open window by the corner." this line and the one that follow are awe inspiring, really made for a wonderful image. “Lord, why (do) you make it so bad for my family?' sounds less awkward. Okay next page I realize now that is how this character speaks. You presented a very clear image of her through your dialog she has with God! I can tell she is a black woman even before you mention him kissing her on her brown wrinkled forehead. ...

1st page you use "heart felt disappointment" and "beat of disappointment" on the same page it just seems repetitive. I will not tell you how to reword it (your artistic license)but I will tell you I find the thesaurus is my best friend. 7th page "The other two were the Associations presiding president and vice president (who had held the) since the community’s creation." Did you mean "held the position"? 14th page "The foot lon(e)change to (g), razor sharp blades page " typo 15th page "Fifte...