PoemsforFreedom's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Lawrence, KS
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 14
LOC: Lawrence, KS
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 14
I was born and raised in Lima, Peru. I started writing poems as a child. My favorite poets are Neruda, Vallejo and Antonio Machado. I am studying French and Italian so I can read that poetry directly without translation. I have tried many art forms from painting to dancing, and after trying them all I still think my favorite form of expression is through words.
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
Somewhere by the river there is a tree like any other tree with branches spread out like open arms. A tree in winter it is now standing naked without foliage nor blooms, scarcely covered by brown dry leaves, barely holding on trembling at the mercy of freezing winds. Somewhere in a lonely place by the waterside that tree stands mute as the only witness of a secret ritual. Its rough bark received the warmth of gentle hands embracing for one last t...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
5 Reviews
0 Comments
like the blood running through the arteries of golden cities they walked peacefully solemnly praying for freedom like garlands of human pearls the people holding hands held the monks treasured safeguarding them in their passage together they crossed rivers in shared pathway across gilded metropolis and the water ran warm caressing their steadfast march they did not stop for the rain striking their bald shaved heads soaking their scarlet tunics getting their feet wet in the rain in the sun in ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
like the blood running through the arteries of golden cities they walked peacefully solemnly praying for freedom like garlands of human pearls the people holding hands held the monks treasured safeguarding them in their passage together they crossed rivers in shared pathway across golden metropolis and the water ran warm caressing their steadfast march they did not stop for the rain striking their bald shaved heads soaking their scarlet tunics getting their feet wet in the rain in the sun in...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Oh, I totally despise rhyme. I tell you why. Rhyme implies a relationship between the elements that are rhymed. It's a code. Rhyming "dark" and "arc" implies the arc was dark, if that's your intention it works. But "whistle" and "castle" don't. I loved the first verse: "It dances with grace to the song of space". I liked the internal rhyme and the image. It is mysterious. it makes me wonder what a "song of space" is. But then you have more words rhyming with "ace"and it just does not work. Th...
Sweet. You have a way with words. It flows well and it has a sense of humor. Very entertaining.
It is my understanding that haikus discourage the use of verbs, especially action verbs. So the second line could be totally changed to a description of the cry. Don't forget an allusion to the season, a must in a haiku. the sky has fallen implies precipitation, rain. Maybe use a noun describing that precipitation. Remember the haiku's economy implies every word is important "all around" is redundant, say something else about the darkness, like... is it ominous? ominous darkness spring precip...
For what I know of haikus they avoid verbs, even less action verbs. You have the nature and the season and the last breath is a powerful moment, but catching is a redundant word. You need some content on that last breath a blanket of snow - could be the first verse, but it is cliche, what else can you say about snow? - a mantle is more original. Now think of a searching coyote and say something of an insight.
This Poem would fall in the category of "Arts poetica", a poem about the act of writing poetry. It is a "meta-poem". I like the reference to Powell. I really like the fourth stanza. As a poet it gives me content. The word "crap" bothers me. How about "trivial"? That also makes a commentary that the rest of your good poetry is not trivial, but deep. The last line in parenthesis kills the nice ending image you have of the aspiring published author.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
