PoeticJustice's profile

Not really a short story as much as an essay but FANTASTIC writing. You kept me til the end. You gave a nice tie-in to the bear and came out with a short but punchy ending. I normally don't like first person stories but this is an exception. You don't use the word "I" until it hurts and you really get the reader involved in the predicament. I was so PISSED at the middle aged bastard. GREAT JOB

I liked the story but it seems there just wasn't enough room to actually finish it. I understand you were trying to create a bit of mystique and you did that quite well. What I don't understand, is why you gave the children so much space, then ended the story without another mention. Maybe if you just grouped the kids or told less about them, I wouldn't have been left hanging. Quite descriptive and enjoyable to read but disappointing at the end.

This is beautifully descriptive, but falls short of being a short story. It's more like a lovely entry in a diary. To be a story, it must have a plot, a problem or situation, and a solution or conclusion that means something to the reader. Generally, I find first person stories quite uninteresting becaue of the overuse of "I". Though not a real story (my opinion only), it paints a pretty picture.

What a lovely essay. The imagery is profound and the lesson is crystal clear. It's surprising what we will see if we just open our eyes. You have an easy mix of long and short sentences and they do a fine job of complimenting each other. Very nice. Thanks.