Watch your lied, lay, laid... it should be lay. Some beautiful imagery here. "...whispered a melody of silence" that has an honesty and truth to it - very powerful. "Chasing flowers in dessert fields always made me thirsty-" very nice. With just a touch of ironic wit. Good work.

Has potential, but I don't care about these people. It reads like starting in the middle of the film. Aside from the fact that Vincent and Vic are violent and (in Vincent's case) pathologically possessive, there is not enough background to make us care about Kylie's predicament. Who was she before, what happened to her???? And if Vincent is so pathological, Kylie would not shrug off the windshield note, not even for a second. Robert seems more concerned than she. Screenplay notes: Vincent has...

A fun bit of venting, but not limericks, strickly speaking. Rules may be meant for breaking but there are reasons a haiku has 17 syllables and a sonnet 14 lines. And a Limerick a specific number of lines and rhyme scheme. That said, you have a droll wit and deft way with words. keep at it!

Possibilities here, for sure. Your first paragraph is a little confusing - be more specific about the "sham" and such. Let us know who Bianca is and why we should care about her. Give the reader something to grab onto so that they want to invest their time in her story. (Rule of thumb in editing/publishing: if you haven't hooked the reader in the first paragraph, at most first page, you're sunk. Sad but true. :-( ) You have a lot of repetition. You could trim what you have here by at least a ...

I really like this. It has a fierce drive running through it, a sense of poetic urgency perfectly fitting the subject. "It turns loneliness into transparency." a painfully wonderful line. Very good. I look forward to reading more of your work.

A few nit-picky things: 1: You're missing a word in yoru second sentence. 2: "most cruelest"!!!! uh-uh. 3: last paragraph, pg. 1 - the first sentence is all garbled. 4: "The slavers of Aomtal had caught him by chance, and though his people were infamous for being valiant and stubborn, it seemed they would win in the end." Your pronoun here is ambiguous - as written, "they could be his people or the Slavers.5: a couple other points which, if you read through carefully/aloud you will surely cat...

Interesting start for a ballad; but I feel it's incomplete. Folk songs tend to fall into two catagories: story ballads, like those Child so carefully collected; and what might be considered spiritual or political folk songs, a la Leadbelly and Pete Seeger and Woody. I realize that is a gross generalization, but as you seem leaning towards the first catagory, I wanted to know more of the story. Who was the boy, who was the beast???? Why pary to Ol' Nick? Interesting questions you inspire but l...

very funny and very true. to sum up so concisely, nicely done.

Sounds like a fascinating story (novella?); one I certainly would read. From a query letter standpoint a few thoughts: "As The Lambent Light (70,000 words) is a true, graphic story of sexual abuse in small-church USA, the novel is sure to generate free publicity." I would take the opening of this sentence and start your letter with it. "The Lambent Light (70,000 words) is a graphic story of sexual abuse in small-church USA. My protagonist, Rod McKnight is a pubescent fourteen-year-old growing...

Much better. I get a clearer sensene of the novel without getting swamped by minutia. Like the lambent light returning with just enough ambiguity to raise one's interest. A couple of blue pencil points: "Visited by a glowing light in his dreams and a dramatic vision, Rod becomes convinced of his divinity." TRY: "Visited in his breams by a glowing light and a dramatic vision..." "new minister of music at church" sounds more LARGE church than small church. I'd just say "the new minister" and le...