REM's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Dakota, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
LOC: Dakota, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
I am now a college student majoring in Game Design. it was a tough choice between that and Fiction Writing. I am 21 years old and currently living in Chicago which is a major step from the small town of 300. Everything is moving forward now and I have no idea what I am doing. Coincidentally, this has brought me back to writing as a comforting hobby of mine. Hopefully I will be writing much more now and hopefully you will all see what I can do.
Items
Version 3
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Prologue Andarius entered yet another room with a wary gaze. This room, with its high-domed ceiling and pure, white marble floors, was much larger than the others. The center of the room was encircled by marble pillars similar to the floor. Andarius knew this was the end of his hunt. He could sense that Morik was near. Since the beginning, both Andarius and Morik were demons to be feared. Each had become prominent characters in the otherwise anarchistic lands of Khaliar. They knew of each oth...
Version 1
15 Reviews
16 Comments
Prologue Andarius glanced about himself as he entered another room. This one was much larger than the others. It had a high, domed ceiling and pure white marble floors. It was empty with the exception of marble pillars encircling the middle of the room. Andarius knew this was the end of his hunt. He had been tracking his opponent for quite some time now and this room was the obvious place for a showdown. Andarius came to the center of the room and was greeted with the crackle of electricity a...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Prologue Andarius glanced about himself as he entered another room. This one was much larger than the others. It had a high, domed ceiling and pure white marble floors. It was empty with the exception of marble pillars encircling the middle of the room. Andarius knew this was the end of his hunt. He had been tracking his opponent for quite some time now and this room was the obvious place for a showdown. Andarius came to the center of the room and was greeted with the crackle of electricity a...
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Reviews
In the first sentence of the second paragraph, whatsoever seems to be an unnecessary word. You've already said that the tie has no hanging capabilities, so "whatsoever" is already implied. In the second paragraph, you say it is a Homer Simpson tie, but in the first paragraph of page 2 you say Bart Simpson. In the third paragraph of page 3, you say "losing me crucial time" in parentheses. I'm not quite sure, but this sentence doesn't seem to make sense. Perhaps consider changing it to "causing...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
On your first point, I think everyone knows that a utopia is impossible. That won't stop people from trying to solve everything they think is wrong, though. For the most part, I agree with your point. On religion, I agree with the first part. The church has, for the most part, been corrupt. It's hard to find a public place worthy of religious worship. On your point about proof, however, I disagree. It is very easy to find proof against religion, but it is also easy to find proof for religion....
66.6667% Review Quality (3 Votes)
The story is very well written with a few mistakes. "Gerald glanced at his watch several times it soon became apparent that he was waiting for something." - Is this supposed to be two sentences? There are other small mistakes such as when James is stating his reaction and he says "sum" instead of "sums". One other thing I did notice, however, is that this is supposed to be a young adult story. Should the word "shit" be used? Personally, I have never seen anything worse than "damn" in a young ...
I liked the humor, although I don't think I'll be offering anyone sexual favors - at least with me involved in them... For the actual guide, a lot of this can be said about writing in general. No matter if you're posting on Urbis or not, everything you write should be spell-checked and reread for any errors. the title should always be eye-catching and the same goes for the opening sentence of paragraph. Too bad there aren't helpful/unhelpful review buttons anywhere else though. I would have f...
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