I really liked this story. You have a very good structure to it, as well as vocabulary, analogies, etc. There were just a few spelling errors, which may also simply be typos. The few that I remember are "cling" instead of "clinging" and "stabilised" instead of "stabilized". I really have nothing else to say about the mechanics of your writing. It was all very well written. The feel of the story is also very well done. I did find myself a bit confused on what exactly was happening in the situa...

First of all, you're right, this is very good. I rarely buy books that I'm not completely sure of, but after reading your first chapter, I can honestly say that I would buy this book off the shelf. I had no problem with the dialogue. The one part that sort of threw me was your choice of the word "gay". I understand the actual meaning, but in this day and age, the first meaning that comes to mind for anyone is usually the wrong one. It isn't that big of a problem considering anyone actually re...

I know you don't want to hear that there needs to be more to this, but how is anyone supposed to properly review a character when this is definitely not enough to understand what the character is like? It wasn't really enough to even evoke any type of mood... Really, you simply told us how it was supposed to feel. She seems indifferent, but only because you told us that that is how she may be. I like the first line about her clothing. It makes me wonder why she wears clothing like that and ge...

Well first off, this is a place of writing and reviews, so to start off, this is horribly written. There's misspelled words everywhere and no punctuation or anything.

Personally, I like it. It reminds me quite a bit of something Douglas Adams might write in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". It is quite short for a first chapter though. I don't think it would really work as a prologue, but it just seems to be lacking. Of course, maybe that's what you were going for considering how your character writes. Also, I don't know if "Fictional writer" is correct. To me, it sounds like you're saying this write is fictional (ie. not a real person even in your f...

Your writing style seems to be perfect for a crime/mystery novel. I was sincerely pulled into the story right from the first chapter. The style and dialogue are too good for me to find any real flaws in. Of course it is all a bit cliche, but I get the feeling that is sort of what you were going for? One thing I did notice was, "I buzzed Mable, my PA..." I don't think it's necessary to explain that Mable is the PA again. It was already stated just a chapter before. But like I said, that's nit-...

I liked the humor, although I don't think I'll be offering anyone sexual favors - at least with me involved in them... For the actual guide, a lot of this can be said about writing in general. No matter if you're posting on Urbis or not, everything you write should be spell-checked and reread for any errors. the title should always be eye-catching and the same goes for the opening sentence of paragraph. Too bad there aren't helpful/unhelpful review buttons anywhere else though. I would have f...

The story is very well written with a few mistakes. "Gerald glanced at his watch several times it soon became apparent that he was waiting for something." - Is this supposed to be two sentences? There are other small mistakes such as when James is stating his reaction and he says "sum" instead of "sums". One other thing I did notice, however, is that this is supposed to be a young adult story. Should the word "shit" be used? Personally, I have never seen anything worse than "damn" in a young ...

On your first point, I think everyone knows that a utopia is impossible. That won't stop people from trying to solve everything they think is wrong, though. For the most part, I agree with your point. On religion, I agree with the first part. The church has, for the most part, been corrupt. It's hard to find a public place worthy of religious worship. On your point about proof, however, I disagree. It is very easy to find proof against religion, but it is also easy to find proof for religion....

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, whatsoever seems to be an unnecessary word. You've already said that the tie has no hanging capabilities, so "whatsoever" is already implied. In the second paragraph, you say it is a Homer Simpson tie, but in the first paragraph of page 2 you say Bart Simpson. In the third paragraph of page 3, you say "losing me crucial time" in parentheses. I'm not quite sure, but this sentence doesn't seem to make sense. Perhaps consider changing it to "causing...