RJBarker has no favorites yet.
RJBarker's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 23
RJ Barker has had numerous short stories published and was given an honourable mention in ‘The Years Best Fantasy and Horror’ for the story ‘Hanging out with the Dream King’. He’s also the writer of the critically acclaimed (though currently out of print) ‘Dead Dave’ stories and has been described as a ‘b-movie version of Douglas Adams’ He keeps a journal here http://www.myspace.com/dedbutdrmng which is full of nonsense and wittering. He’s a bit odd if truth be told.
RJ is also an Editor and contributer for internet news Snark www.theSlant.co.uk.
Items
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
Got interest from a publisher so this has come down. Thanks to everyone.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
18 Reviews
1 Comment
Umbraville is quiet. No murders, no creatures rising from the abyss to smite the city with paws of wrath, none of the usual shit going down. I'm bored. Not even Mrs Dearn's naked transcendental yoga class eases my boredom. The office is too quiet. Ever since Louie became king of the zombies and got his own flat to do whatever it is they do, swap body parts, moan spookily, the office has been too damn quiet. Aloysus hasn't been about recently either, too busy mopping up his "business", I don't...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I quite enjoyed this. I did think the narrator seemed to slip too far into familiarity every so often. a bit of a conversational tone which intruded into the narrative. You start one paragraph with... "Of course, the next email was one.." And it would be better just saying "The next email was from" and loosing the 'of course' or keeping the conversational style of the narrative all the way through. There was also the odd slip of tense "His hand gives hers a quick squeeze, as " where you might...
I found this quite difficult to read. Passages like this - They were seated at a table in one of the small side rooms off the main Assembly Hall in the recently constructed, and deliberately imposing, Tripod Building in Karelis, Little Karel, the new capital of the Empire. Though the diminutive form “lis” was now inappropriate, for the new city which had grown out of the old naval base on the shore of the Wading Sea had grown far larger than its parent city of Karel some three hundred miles s...
Deleted Item
Locked
For me, you need to work on showing not telling the reader what is going on. It’s much easier for the reader and much more involving for them if the facts and information you need to give are woven into the narrative rather than just told the way you have done here. It may be more interesting for you to re-write this from the point of view of the son, then you can use his internal monologue to feed us information. You also want to add in feeling as it helps the reader identify with the charac...
Deleted Item
I really liked that. the imagary within is strong and clear and I liked the religious implications. There were a couple of nitpicks... "of safety release, chambering single .50 caliber round" I think that should be 'a single...." "focused on the descending stooped line of what once was a man" " I think you could work on the imagary of 'a descending stooped line'. I don't think descending is quite the right word. the strongest image attached to that in my head is of something falling and desce...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
