I like this and found it entertaining. I think the fourth stanza lets it down a little but i'm not completely sure why. The other stanzas are written equally simplistically, but somehow create more vivid pictures in my head. It might also be the immediate repetition of "in"(line 4)- did you try finding an alternative form of expression, e.g. "Forefront in your underwear"/ "Up front in your underwear"? Thanks for this, it definitely has charm and style.

This is very well-written; it kept me absorbed until the end. The cynical humour lent the piece a voice i think many readers will empathise with. You've dramatised this regular human event a clever amount: not so much that i felt i was reading about an overly-familiar, self-absorbed 2D character, instead just enough to make your experience a very interesting read. Thanks for posting this, i enjoyed it.

This is pretty good. I think you can easily improve it by establishing some pauses - maybe by either breaking it up into stanzas (ending with the "regret" lines), or by separating it with periods at the end of "regret lines". e.g. "death may come but I won’t regret." and "I can’t regret. I won’t regret." The single "and" near the end comes across as a strange place to split the sentence. Maybe you could even it up like: "because you only get one life and"? In the ninth line, i think "part" sh...

An original verse on a common subject, well done. The abrupt lines at the end work well, but i'm not sure about the single sentences at the start - although i guess it's maybe a way of bookending the two longer stanzas with less-completed thoughts(?) "Like a cancer..." is a bit of an over-used simile, however the language that follows distracts from this. I like "At times, Maddening". Is the capitalisation deliberate? It's an enjoyable piece, thanks for posting this. Good luck with your goals.

The only suggestion i can make, is that maybe instead of stating outright "private transport autos having been made illegal only twenty years before", you should try to find another way to reveal this to your readers. (show don't tell etc.) I like it so far and would be interested to read the rest when it is written. Good luck with this and any other work.

The message is a good one. I don't know the correct terminology for this, but i like the rhyming within sentences - splitting them into two lines would have increased awareness of the overly-common couplets. I feel your rhyme scheme may have limited you in what you wanted to express...you could maybe try rewording to find the most original way to make each point? This would make a good short song, especially as there is well-timed repetition throughout. Good luck with this and any other work ...

This contains some nice ideas. The AABB rhyme scheme works ok, up until "light" and "fight", which are way too predictable a couplet. Is there any other way you could word the point you're making? What are the negative connotations associated with "confide"? Isn't that another way of revealing, albeit maybe to a more exclusive audience? I like what you're saying, just, in some parts, not how you're saying it. This could be a much better, more original piece, if you worked on it a little, real...

This is an amazing piece that i'm already beginning to admire with distanced-envy after the third read. It's original, absorbing, and employs language extremely skillfully. Six lines from the bottom, i may have spotted a typo: should "at" be "At"? Three lines from bottom, did you try a comma after "evenings" and decide against? Out of curiosity, if we use "&", does that grammatically allow us to start a sentence with 'and'(because a loophole would be great lol)? Is there a symbolic reason why...

This is nicely written. It stands well as a fragment, but i really think you should take try exploring the story further, as it shows a lot of potential for being an interesting, absorbing piece. Is it futuristic/set in the past/set in 'another world'? If you feel curiosity about these characters, follow them and observe what happens. If you don't, i guess you're better off leaving them where they are. Sorry that this isn't more helpful. I enjoyed reading this; thanks for posting it.

There's a really pleasant quality to this; poems dealing with nature are getting kind of rare these days, and although you did insert some human interaction in there, it meshes instead of being an abrupt piece of introspection, so it works and doesn't kill the atmosphere. The whole scene feels vivid, like the narrator is commenting aloud as they observe it in real time. I enjoyed the the rhyming structure; it's subtle and kind of wafts the flow along. The only bit that jarred me was the paren...