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RedBelle's profile
AGE:
37
LOC: Akron, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 08
LOC: Akron, OH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 08
Good Stuff: retired racing greyhounds, frozen cokes, rock music, broccoli, pink & black Converse hi-tops, power tools, racquetball, good books, Duran Duran, the colors red & fuchsia, fleece & cashmere, crab legs, Victoria’s Secret, vodka martinis, kisses.
Or not: snow, conscious stupidity, sushi, spiders, hubris, country and rap music, nascar, memoirs that aren’t, Uggs, self-absorbed SUV/mini-van/HumVee/Pick-up Truck drivers.
I am & have been a therapist, a music journalist, an editor, a small business owner (www.conspicuouschick.com), and a freelance writer. So yes, I have publishing credits, but no, I’m not going to list them because this isn’t about bragging, it’s about learning.
I’m not here to blow proverbial smoke up…
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Version 3
16 Reviews
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Discord & Rhyme Volume 8, Issue 1 By Cecilia Parker, Content Editor Not long after Discord & Rhyme published its inaugural issue, someone asked me if I wanted to be Jane Scott . I had no idea who she was. Like most people, I was only familiar with the boys of rock journalism - Lester Bangs and Jim DeRogatis, Lonn Friend and Rob Sheffield because they show up on all those VH1 shows. And of course, Chuck Klosterman. It’s ironic because in many ways, whether by nature or nurture , women are bett...
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I chose this piece out of the general review queue, so I haven't read The Metratron,and have no knowledge of its context. This seems like a self-contained vignette, but is it? Do the characters reoccur elsewhere? Overall this piece is competently written, but referring to both characters as 'it' can be confusing, especially when the 'it' changes from sentence to sentence. The other aspect that took some getting used to was the idea of the 'snake' not being your usual snake. It had teeth, hair...
You have created some wonderful prose, but you're right in thinking you may have to pull back. As you've indicated, this chapter contains very little activity so it's important not to get too bogged down in pace. a secret shoe left there by her errant prince charming <- does this mean potatoes are hard to come by and therefore a secret treat, or was this turn of phrase just to transition into the Cinderella musings? spoilt heroine Cinderella <- are you (or rather Caitlin) saying Cindere...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
First a structural issue - always start a new paragraph when you have dialogue. As I'm sure you're aware, the opening to any novel is the most important. I think your first paragraph contains some good material, but it could be better. Currently, it lacks voice. Your story is in first person narrative, but that paragraph isn't from his perspective. Does that make sense? I would recommend re-writing as if you're seeing the bar through his eyes on THAT particular night, instead of the general r...
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